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Frank: We'll get that idiot lawyer that always helps us out. He does good by us.
Mac: Yes, he's excellent but he slapped a restrainer order on us so we can't use him. [To Dennis]: Also you need a lawyer, too.
Dennis: I need a lawyer?
Mac: How are you not grasping this concept?
Dennis: Oh... for the divorce.

Charlie: Who washes the dishes?
Frank: Nobody washes the dishes! We eat the food directly off the coffee table and you know it!

Maureen: I want you and your boy toy out of my apartment, now!
Mac: I'm the boy toy.

Mac: Maybe I should go to my room.
Maureen: That is not your room anymore. It's my craft studio, so kindly stay out of there.
Mac: What!?
Dennis: Don't freak out, dude. She turned it it into a terrible craft studio where she makes terrible sweatshirts out of cats. Or puts cats in sweatshirts.

Being married to Charlie has me all confused, I gotta get my hetero on.


All this talking about marriage and Dee being a whore got me thinking... I didn't have a bachelor party!

You told me it was a phone bill. Of course, I signed it.


Dennis: There's cab fare on the night stand.
Maureen: That's the third morning in a row you did that. We're married, silly, I'm home already.

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