Thursdays 10:00 PM on FX

We weren't expecting you to be black, that's all...


Oh, and hookups are good. But just to be clear... when you say your "sista," do you mean your sister or your friend?


Also, first thing we gotta do is get rid of these shamrocks. 'Cause nothing scares Gays and Black folks like Irish crap, you know whadda I mean?


Sweet Dee: How could you not tell me you were gay?
Terrell: I'm a musical theater actor!

(After Charlie is caught saying the N word by the Waitress)
Waitress: Wow, nice.
Charlie: No, no. That's not what I was saying.
Waitress: Coffee? Hitler?
Charlie: No, I'm not, not Adolf Hitler.
Waitress: I'll make sure to put a lot of cream in yours.

Mac: Why do these people like you guys so much?
Charlie: Well dude, it's not that they like us, they don't like you! You know why? Uhhh, because you're an asshole!

Dennis: Our mortgage is due in two weeks.
Mac: No, we paid that, like, a week ago.
Dennis: No. A week ago was three weeks late.

(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!

I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.

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