Mulaney
Sundays 7:30 PM on FOXMulaney Quotes
I haven't felt this unpatriotic since I took that picture in college with Michale Moore, granted at the time I thought he was Louis Anderson.
The real nice guys are The Expendables.
Jane
Marine: Where is your latrine.
Jane: Latrine. So French.
I only regret that I have but one seat to give for my country.
Motif
When it comes to the military, I am a special type of coward. I know something needs to be done, I just really hope that someone else does it first.
And you can't tell Dad about it because my celebrity exception is Noah Wyle.
Patti
Jane: Eww, are you praying?
Mulaney: What, no I am just masturbating.
Hi God. First off, I am sorry I only contact you lately when I am on a flight with really bad turbulence, but I need your help right now. I would like you to know that I never did jokes about priest molestation during that whole thing. Although, a lot of comedians did and I totally could have. God, please do not let my mom find out that I lied about church. If you do this for me I promise I will donate a lot of money to charity when I become a big successful comedian. Which while we are talking, is something I would also like very much. Thank you. Send.
Mulaney: Come on father I earned it. I went to church every Sunday for twelve years, and once in college when my girlfriend thought she was pregnant.
Father: Was she with child?
Mulaney: No, and you know it is way harder to get pregnant than you people told us. Look, just do this for me and you will never have to see my again.
Father: We are the Catholic church, we want to see you again, that's our goal.
I look at her and I want to make her happy. I wish I could kill her husband.
Lou
Patti: Oh Lou don't say porno.
Lou: Porno.
Amigo, I much more comfortable around more recently born women. What can I say im a Peter Pan.
Lou
