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I can't believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I thought I'd be dead before that happened.


Jess: You care about burritos more than my children?
Nick: You're putting me in a tough spot right now!

Schmidt: Would I have to put my legs in the stirrups?
Melissa: Why would you even ask that?
Schmidt: I'm asking more so out of curiosity than fear. Hashtag, excitement.

You are a gynecologist and a lesbian. This makes you a vagenius.


I feel like our bodies really made something. Like we brought manufacturing jobs back to America.


Melissa: I'm 32 by my eggs are 48 and my vagina is 97.
Sadie: And it gets better with age. It's like the vagina Helen Mirin.

What are you going to do for 20 minutes of foreplay? Boring! Yawn! Am I right, ladies?


Jess: What's the secret?
Sadie: It's about love, understanding and two sets of boobs!

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