Kim: Does that mean no more sexy Easter bunny?
Schmidt: No sexy Easter bunny.
Kim: What about cinco de Sexy?
Schmidt: No cinco de Sexy.
Kim: And no sexy Martin Luther King?
Schmidt: I can never get the voice. I never felt I had the authority.

Schmidt: Kim, I'm not gonna be sexy Santa anymore. It's over. Santa's dead. I killed him.
Evan: Aaaaaaah!

Jess: Why are you guys hugging?
Nick: Just Guy Talking.
Paul: About uh, how moved we are about jazz music.
Nick: That's a lie. I told him you didn't love him.
Jess: What?!
Paul: But he said it nicely!

Nick: Has Jess not talked to you?
Paul: Oh yea, we've talked.
Nick: It's hard, it's really tricky. It's like, she's doesn't love you right, Paul that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later.
Paul. We talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport cause you're gonna miss your flight.
Nick: Yea, that's probably all you talked about so I'm joking.

Paul: No it's great I love it! It's funny, and quirky and so sweet. It's like you. And that's why I love it. I love it! Thank you. I love it...I love you.
Jess: ...Thank you...
Paul: ...You're welcome.
Jess: No, you're welcome.

Schmidt: I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made to reference to the fact that you are basically naked.
Cece: Very proud of you Schmidt.

Jess: My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don't want him to think I'm using him for his body.
Nick: Oh, I'm sure he'd be ok with that.

Schmidt: Marry Christmas, Brendan, don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick?
Nick: It's a great gift. He's a twelve-year old kid. He's gonna love them.

I can't believe Jess got me roller-blades for Christmas. I feel so freeee!

Winston

Alvin: The man with no shirt killed Santa.
Winston: Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.
Alvin: Then why isn't he wearing a shirt?
Winston: You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.
Alvin: Is it because he's a d-bag? Mommy says he's a d-bag.

Schmidt: Kim, I'm not a sex object. All right, I'm your employee. I work harder than anyone. I'm the first one to show up every morning.
Kim: No you're not.
Schmidt: There's never a parking space.
Kim: That's because everybody's already here, Schmidt.

I have a really bad case of Santa Lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It's not good down there.

Schmidt

New Girl Season 1 Episode 9 Quotes

Winston, you better watch it, man, because I will take you down. I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy. Let's do this!

Schmidt

I'm the only guy in the office, of course I'm going to dress up like Santa. I like it. I get all this dirt on my coworkers. They get drunk, and they whisper what they want for Christmas in my ear, and I use that information to subtly undermine them and control them for the rest of the year.

Schmidt