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One time I went to Russia and I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the water. Turns out I was drinking Vodka.


You are not supposed to be saying ouch.

George [to Jim]

Everyone named Jack has been sent to the emergency room, maybe next time it'll be the morgue.


He's a dash of Edward, with a smidge of Wolverine.


Jock lets nerd on football team and nerd lets jock cheat off of him. What an adorable Breakfast Club you two have going on.

Mr. Litchfield

George: You know it could be performance problems.
Stephanie: The only thing ruining his performance is you.

What's it gonna be man? Nookie or the crookie?

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