Nurse Jackie

Saturdays 9:00 PM on Showtime
Nurse jackie
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Zoey: I haven't been able to go all day.
Jackie: Zoey, you can't talk to me when you're peeing.

Jackie: Get out. We don't [take drugs] here.
Temp: It takes one to know one.

We're four nurses short. Well, you are. I'm fine.

Mrs. Akalitus (to Jackie)

Mo-mo: So, what happened?
Jackie: I didn't realize it was our anniversary and that makes me a terrible person.
Mo-mo: Anniversary?
Jackie: Yeah, it's been a year.
Mo-mo: A year? Wow, I had no clue.
Jackie: Neither did I.

Jackie: I had a fight with my boyfriend.
Mo-mo: That is just wrong. How do I not know you have a boyfriend?
Jackie: Honey, you do all the talking!
Mo-mo: I do, don't I?

Zoey: Can I at least take the knife out?
Jackie: No, Zoey. Never remove a foreign object protruding from a patient. The surgeon does that, you understand?
Zoey: (whispers) But it's so tempting.

Jackie: Zoey, come here. Put your hand on here. Hold it firmly.
Zoey: I can do that. Sorry, I'm just saying I could do more important things here.

Jackie: (to "God"): Stop picking on my nurses! Alright, pick on criminals, pick on white guys!

(voice-over) Look at that. It's supposed to be Florida. Who draws Florida with no sun? It's the goddamn Sunshine State!

Okay, it's very simple. Everything they tell you, you type in their file, whatever they don't tell you, but you know to be true, type in their file.

Zoey: Nights are different.
Jackie: Yes. More stab wounds, more drunks, less nutjobs, less children. Okay, you prioritize by condition. Gunshots, stabbings, cardiac arrest followed by bleeders and shallow breathers.
Zoey: Shallow breathers. Got it. What about someone who can't breath at all.
Jackie: They are already dead. They go to the waiting room.

Jackie: You don't usually work nights. What's up?
Mrs. Akalitus: You tell me. You make the nurses' schedule, always working with your favorite people. I'm concerned about the level of socializing.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 33 in total

Nurse Jackie Season 1 Quotes

Mrs. Akalitus: I have no choice but to initiate an internal investigation.
Jackie: I resent what you're insinuating. Why on earth would my nursing student flush a man's ear down the toilet?
Zoey: But I'm the one who found it.
Mrs. Akalitus: And there are firemen who set their own fires just to call them in.
Jackie: You know, you're not wrong. My uncle Gary torched a hobby store. But that was an insurance thing. Anyway, I hope you get the bottom of this.

(voice-over) Watch and learn. Percocet should never be crushed, broken or chewed unless you want it to hit your system like a bolt of lightning. Which is only a problem if you're afraid of lightning which I am not.

Jackie