Nurse Jackie

Nurse Jackie Quotes

Episode 9: "Have You Met Miss Jones?"

Jackie: I did a bad thing and I need your help.
O'Hara: ... well done. And shame on you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Coop: We have the same favorite book.
Eddie: I hate to kill the vibe. But lots of people like The Kite Runner.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zoey: You have a crush on Jackie!
Lenny: She just scares me a little. Okay, a lot.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zoey [to Lenny]: If you go into cardiac arrest, I will kill you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Coop: Dudeville, population three: booya!
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 2: "Enough Rope"

Zoey: At this very moment, I have no desire to stab you in the neck.
Lenny: Cool!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Thor: You get to stand there and look pretty.
Coop: I can do that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zoey: It would be too much pressure to date God.
 • Rating: Unrated

Akalitus: I know Michelle Obama.
Father: Excuse Me?
Akalitus: You heard me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Zoey: If you want company I'm totes avail. Totally available.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 1: "Game On"

O'Hara: You broke my heart, Jackie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Eddie [to Coop]: Jackie is married, you stupid f**king goat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zoey: Sam, I have a sensitivity question about male piercings.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Nurse Jackie" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!