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I'd say my coaching style is centered around fundamentals, with an emphasis on fun. And a second emphasis on... mental.

Andy

Leslie: Would you be cool doing things that a prostitute does?
Ann: Uh...
Leslie: Minus the money?
Ann: Definitely yes then.

Ann: I don't think I should go out with you.
Chris: Can I ask you why not? Because I thought we had a great time the night you got drunk and kissed me. And... you did use your tongue.

Our budget's been slashed to zero. I tried to buy fertilizer the other day for the soccer field... request denied. We literally can't buy s**t.

Leslie

Ron: Haircuts, there are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?

Ron: I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.

Ron

Ben: Apparently in Indiana if you don't provide a basketball league, people get very upset. And quite frankly throw things at you and call you names. Like Turd boy? Whatever. Point is I reinstated youth basketball.
Leslie: This says here you only have money for two teams?
Ben: Yeah, they're going to develop a great rivalry.

April! Hey, it's me. Andy... Dwyer. Uh, this is like the 200th time I've left you a message without a response, so if you're trying to tell me something, I do not know what it is because you won't call me back.

Andy

Leslie: Parks services are still here, and we have a job to do.
Tom: Make the world's biggest pizza.
Leslie: No, make this town fun for the people who live here.
Tom: Fine. But after that, the pizza is our top priority.
Leslie: No it's not.
Ron: We're getting pizza?

Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.

Ron

Look, we can dance all day, but it's time to step up. Are you buying four thousand rubber nipples from me or not?

Donna
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Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 1 Quotes

Woman: These are way too tight.
Tom: Well, the real Cinderella didn't have hippo feet.

The bankrupt government of Pawnee has been shut down all summer so it's been three months of no work, no meetings, no memos, no late nights, nothing. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Leslie
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