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Parks-and-recreation

I would like some wine. And oops, my vest popped open. Just like the budget needs to pop open. And you need to pour it into my parks department.

Leslie

Do you have any of those shirts that look wet all the time? Or like a metal bikini. Oh! You know what's always sexy? Fingerless gloves.

Leslie

Yeah, it can be hard work. But every time I look one of these kids in the eyes, and he calls me coach? That's how I know I agreed to be a coach.

Andy

I'd say my coaching style is centered around fundamentals, with an emphasis on fun. And a second emphasis on... mental.

Andy

Leslie: Would you be cool doing things that a prostitute does?
Ann: Uh...
Leslie: Minus the money?
Ann: Definitely yes then.

Ann: I don't think I should go out with you.
Chris: Can I ask you why not? Because I thought we had a great time the night you got drunk and kissed me. And... you did use your tongue.

Our budget's been slashed to zero. I tried to buy fertilizer the other day for the soccer field... request denied. We literally can't buy s**t.

Leslie

Ron: Haircuts, there are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?

Ron: I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

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