Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC

You can trust me because I don’t care enough about you to lie.


I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


I engaged in sexting, texting, and tex-mexting, which is when you take a picture of your genitals from the restroom of a Chili’s To Go.


I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.


Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

April: Babe, wake up!
Andy: That’s my spaghetti, Chewbacca.

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