Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 16)

Season 2 Episode 12: "Christmas Scandal"

Ron: There's a bunch of messages waiting for you about a bunch of things I don't understand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: There isn't a woman alive who doesn't love diamonds. Even the super left wing chicks who saw Blood Diamond and cried. When they get a diamond, they like, "yeah, bitch, get more of them blood diamonds. Make 'em extra bloody."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 11: "Tom's Divorce"

Leslie: How could there possibly still be glitter on me?
Tom: It takes forever to get off. My crotch looks like a disco ball.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: You know those hangover pills you can order on TV? I threw up a bunch of them this morning. I feel much better.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Could you carry him out of here, please? And, you know, also maybe not have sex with his wife.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: I don't get men. If they're not wagering their girlfriends in pool, then they're trying to steal each others' wives. It makes you question the whole notion of those bromance movies.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Tom, it's perfectly normal to feel devastated when something is over. That's exactly how I felt when that Planet Earth series ended.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Leslie [to stripper]: Go crazy, OK? Give my friend here the works. Really grind the sorrow out of him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I know that legally Ann is now mine, but it weirdly doesn't feel that way.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: Take it down a notch. You already won your Oscar, DiCaprio.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: Tom-cat, pull up a mouth. This buffet is unstoppable.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt of the Earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce. But now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: OK, Tom. Go put these in places I do not approve of.
Tom: Leslie, I'm gonna put these in places you've never heard of.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: There is a girl here that also works at Quiznos. She's really nice to me here, but really mean to me at Quiznos.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: OK, lap dances are on me. I mean I'm paying for them. They're not gonna actually be on me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie [to Tom]: I'm a feminist, OK? I would never ever go to a strip club. I've gone on record that if I had to have a stripper's name, it would be Equality. But I'm willing to sacrifice all that I've worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

April: I want to go to The Glitter Factory.
Leslie: Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: We are going to The Glitter Factory.
Tom: What?
Donna: Not me. I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: She's a tall, beautiful surgeon. I'm a short, beautiful government employee slash club promoter.
Leslie: You're a club promoter?
Tom: Aspiring.
 • Rating: Unrated

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