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Parks-and-recreation

Leslie: Ron will show you around.
Ron: Um, right this way is the exit.

Leslie: Ma'am, the next we speak, we shall be dancing on the grave of a possum.
Evelyn: Great.

Evelyn: Let's be honest. Animal control is not the most effective branch of our government.
Leslie: They're a bunch of burned-out morons.

Fairway Frank is this awful possum who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. And he's actually number three on the Parks Department's most wanted pest list, right behind the bats who like to poop on the bell tower and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria.

Leslie

Leslie: Oh, hello! I've always dreamed of you.
Evelyn: Excuse me?
Leslie: Meeting you.

I'm paying April fifty bucks to watch my house while I'm away. I would have asked Leslie but I've seen the way she takes care of her house.

Ann

Ann: Here are the keys. And remember...
April: I know. Don't let Tom make a copy.

Donna: I'll take it.
Ann: Donna, there's a camera in it.
Donna: I know.

Ann: OK, this is one of those nanny cam teddy bears, isn't it?
Tom: What? No, it's a regular camera-less teddy bear. Just put it in your bedroom. Don't even think about it.

Tom: Happy belated Valentine's Day.
Ann: Valentine's Day was a month ago. Why are you giving it to me now?
Tom: Whatever. Happy early Valentine's Day.

Leslie: Possum, there was a possum. We captured a possum and we brought it into your house and it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.
Ann: What?
Leslie: And it went into your laundry and your kitchen and it touched all your bras. And I'm so sorry, it's our fault we captured it and it got out and it ran around and it was a possum, OK? April, run, April. Sorry, Ann. I love you!

Andy: We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.
Leslie: Office.

Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 508 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron
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