Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes (Page 21)

Season 2 Episode 8: "Ron and Tammy"

Leslie: Pawnee's library department is the most diabolical ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen. They're like a biker gang. But instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use political savvy... and shushing.

 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: April, stop that. Who are you texting?
April: You.
Leslie: Aww, she's texting me... I'm sorry you're bored.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Old Gus: Well I've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years. And now it's time for you to listen to one of mine. You know a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life. And I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine. And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus." I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s and I sure hate it now. So go to hell every single one of ya. Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes!
Andy [laughing]: Oh, Gus. That's classic.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 7: "Greg Pikitis"

Leslie: Hey, you're going to jail for a very long time.
Dave: He's not going to go to jail, you know. He's a minor.
Leslie: Well, we'll let the jury decide.
Dave: There's not gonna be a jury. It's a....
Leslie: Then the judge will decide where he goes.
Dave: Look, he's going to do probation. He's a minor.
Leslie: Dave, just let me have this?
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: I believe that you're innocent until proven guilty in this country. That's the cornerstone of democracy.
Andy: Sure.
Leslie: On the other hand. Greg Pikitis is a little punk. And I kind of want to TP his house.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy [to Leslie]: You're the coolest person I've ever met. I even met John Cougar Melloncamp once.
 • Rating: Unrated

Greg's Fake Mom: Do you have any evidence?
Leslie: Yes. Two words. Peach pit. His DNA is all over it I assume.
Dave: We don't know that.
Leslie: We can get it tested....
Dave: We can't.
Leslie: And if it matches your DNA than you're going away for a long time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Ann, what happened here? Did you tell everyone they're going to have to get a bone marrow transplant tomorrow? They look miserable. This party is a disaster.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: Ann, do you have any Mounds? Because all I can find are Almond Joys. And almonds give me the squirts.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: You talk to him first. You have a scary face.
Dave: Hey!
Leslie: No, in a good way. Scary cute.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie [about a peach pit]: This is his ace of spades. This is his calling card. This is what he leaves all his victims. And it's still warm. OK, go arrest him and send this to the lab.
Dave: We don't have a lab.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: Suspect laughing with friends, and playing with his stupid skateboard in a snide, turdish manner.
Dave: Turdish?
Leslie: Yes. Like a turd. Like a little turd.
 • Rating: Unrated

April: I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas brothers make out with three Robert Pattisons. It was amazing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: Suspect still with friends in parking lot. He looks obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance.
Dave: Uh, confirmed.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: A week ago, I had nothing. Now I have a part-time job, I'm gonna make 32 bucks tonight. I owe Leslie everything I have. Which after tonight will be 39 bucks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: Commit this to memory. You see him, you stomp him. Knock his head off if you have to.
Dave: Don't do that.
Leslie: Don't do that. But I give you permission to use excessive force.
Dave: Don't use excessive force.
Leslie: Don't go overboard. Just stop him, by any means necessary.
Dave: No.
Leslie: No. Just stop him. (under breath) You know what I mean.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: William Percy. One of Pawnee's greatest mayors, and a true hero. During the Pawnee bread factory fire of 1922, he ran back into a burning building and saved the beloved secret recipe for Pawnee pumpernickel.
Dave: Didn't like 30 people die in that fire?
Leslie: He wasn't Superman.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Ann: That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.
Leslie: In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Ann: Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens... pump your own stomachs this year!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: He's like an invisible, adolescent, James Bond super villain criminal mastermind. Or maybe someone else is doing it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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