Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks-and-recreation

Ben: Should we throw in some salads for a healthy option?
Tom: Wow, don't be such a Jerry, Ben.
Leslie: Yeah, Ben. These guys are cops. Not ballerinas.

Tammy: A relationship? With whom?
Ron: A lovely, intelligent, self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy.
Tammy: Sounds like a real whore.

Whale tail. Whale tail. She's flashing a whale tale. Abort. Abort.

Leslie

I pre-dialed 9-1-1 so all you have to do is press send.

Leslie

My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.

Ron

Jack Cooper: It appears you have an overdue book.
Ron: Oh, do I?
Jack Cooper: It's Not the Size of the Boat: Embracing Life with a Micropenis.
Ron: Tammy.

I just started dating Chris, and I don't know how, but Andy is going to screw it up. Andy screws everything up. When we were dating, I bought him a fish, and I don't want to get into it, but somehow, that fish ended up dead in a cowboy boot.

Ann

Ben: What's going on?
Leslie: Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight in the time capsule.
Ben: Damn it. Again?

So, enjoy watching it. Assuming you still have electricity. And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. A man named Jerry Gergich screwed up the recording somehow. He had one job to do.

Leslie

That's ridiculous. Why should the Bill of Rights be in the official time capsule, but this painting of my dog is in time capsule seven?

Woman

Leslie: For the last time. And I won't say this again. There will be no human or feline ashes in either one of the time capsules.
Man: Except for Turnip. Except for Turnip...
Leslie: No chanting.

I just don't get why you broke up with me. Is it 'cause I'm not cool enough, like the normal kids compared to the vampires? Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation? Where you like me but there's someone else you like more?

Tom
Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 259 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron
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