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Look I love you like a brother. But right now I hate you. Like my actual brother, Levandrious, who I hate.

Donna

April, way to come in! Great initiative.

Chris

I know Tammy seems scary, but really she's just a manipulative, psychotic, library book pedaling sex crazed She Demon.

Leslie

Ben: You know what I like? Calzones.
Chief Trumple: What the hell's wrong with this guy?

I haven't felt this good in years. And it's not just because of the supplements he has me taking and the soluble fiber and the increase in regularity. It's him.

Ann

It's too bad. I just taught her how to whittel. She made me this tiny sharpened stick.

Ron

Leslie: Yes. I know exactly when we should do it. Post-pizza, pre-ice cream, between his third and fourth beer. He'll be full but not stuffed. Tipsy but not drunk. Should be around nine.
Ben: OK. So you've thought this through.

I'd like you to get me some more post-its. I'd like them in multiple colors. I'd like green. I'd like yellow. Do not buy orange. I do not want orange. I have plenty of orange.

Chris

Tom: All I can think about is Captain Mustache plowing my ex-wife.
Andy: And you imagine he's wearing a cape, while he's plowing her?
Tom: What?
Andy: No, just Captain Mustache? I mean if all you could think of is Ron — you know — Maybe put him in some tights and a cape, and then it would be funny.
Tom: Now I'm imagining a cape.

I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch.

Ron

Leslie: Calzones are like pizzas but they're harder to eat. They're dumb. And so was that idea.
Ben: Seriously?
Tom: This is embarrassing for you.

I don't know what it is about big, outdoor gatherings that makes everyone wanna urinate all over everything. But it does. And they do.

Leslie
Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 259 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April
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