Mary: Now, you listen here. I have being telling you since you were four years old, it's okay to be smarter than everybody but you can't go around pointing it out.
Sheldon: Why not?
Mary: Because people don't like it. You don't remember all the ass kickings you got from the neighbor kids. Now lets get cracking. Shower, shirt, shoes and let's shove off.
Sheldon: There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked

• Permalink: Now, you listen here. I have being telling you since you were fo...
• Added: January 16, 2009

I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic

Mary [to Raj]

• Permalink: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you peop...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Sheldon: This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you...
Penny: 120?!
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?

• Permalink: This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 12...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully, he blessed me with two other children who were dumb as soup

Mary

• Permalink: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankf...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Wolowitz: Forgive me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smoldering good looks.
Mary: Honey, that ain't gonna work, but you keep trying.

• Permalink: Forgive me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets h...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

• Permalink: I can't believe he fired me. Well, you did call him a glorifie...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Sheldon: How was your date?
Leonard: Awesome!
Sheldon: Score one for liquor and poor judgment

• Permalink: How was your date? Awesome! Score one for liquor and poor ju...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Sheldon: I have got the Sword of Azeroth!
Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon. Help Raj.
Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon. I am the sword master!
Wolowitz: Leonard, look out!
Leonard: Damn it, Sheldon, we're dying here.
Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants.
Leonard: Bastard teleported!
Raj: He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on eBay.
Leonard: You betrayed us for money? Who are you?
Sheldon: I'm a rogue night elf. Don't you people read character descriptions? Wait, wait, wait... somebody just clicked Buy It Now.
Wolowitz: I am the sword master!

• Permalink: I have got the Sword of Azeroth! Forget the sword, Sheldon. He...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Wolowitz: So, how'd it go with Leslie?
Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn't move... I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway

• Permalink: So, how'd it go with Leslie? Oh, we tried kissing, but the ear...
• Added: January 16, 2009

I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

Sheldon

• Permalink: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual rel...
• Added: January 16, 2009

There's always a chance that alcohol and poor judgment on her part may lead to a wonderful evening

Sheldon

• Permalink: There's always a chance that alcohol and poor judgment on her pa...
• Added: January 16, 2009

Leonard: No, I'm done with Penny. I'm going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed.
Raj: Like who?
Leonard: I don't know... Olivia Geiger?
Sheldon: The dietitian at the cafeteria with the limp and lazy eye?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, I don't think you have a shot there

• Permalink: No, I'm done with Penny. I'm going to be more realistic and go a...
• Added: January 16, 2009