The Office Season 5 Episode 28: "Company Picnic" Quotes
Kevin: [playing volleyball] I got it. [Kevin misses]
Dwight: Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!
Andy: Are you blind?!
Dwight: I could've gotten that, idiot!
Andy: Can you see things with your eyeballs?!
Dwight: It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?!
Phyllis: We've been out here for a while. I don't need this.
Andy: [playing volleyball, yelling at Erin] Are you blind?! Are you blind?! [turns attention to a man on the other team] Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? ... I'm concerned you might be in danger.
Man: These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
Andy: Okay, I was just looking out for you.
Michael: What is up with you two, Holly?
Holly: Um, not much.
AJ: We're designing a house.
Michael: Cool. For who?
AJ: For us.
Michael: Wow... I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.
Holly: I remember your chair pants idea. [laughs]
AJ: I like that. Put me down for a pair. I'm a size 34 waist.
Michael: All right, fatty. I will do it. You know what, we should actually rehearse.
Holly: Okay, yeah.
AJ: You guys are really gonna do this?
Michael: You bet your fat ass we are.
Dwight: Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?
Jim: Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards.
Dwight: Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row!
Andy: Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row?
Dwight: Why? I don't understand.
Andy: If-
Dwight: Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it.
Andy: Uh... [laughs sheepishly]
Dwight: I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team.
Andy: That's...
Dwight: Sly dog.
Andy: ... not what I meant.
Dwight: Come on, folks!
Charles: Jim. Pam.
Jim: Hey, how are you?
Pam: Hey Charles.
Charles: Nice day, huh?
Jim: Yeah.
Charles: Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest. [walks away]
Jim: I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
Pam: Do you want me to beat him up for you?
Jim: No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.
Michael: I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The ... and the reason is... because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.
Kevin: Michael, isn't that Holly?
Michael: We're just friends.
Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.
Dwight
Dwight: I'm gonna say 30.
Rolph: Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Dwight: Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.
Rolph: Woah. Homemade?
Dwight: Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET? [both laugh]
Pam: Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Jim: Come on, who doesn't like a picnic?
Pam: Tell them what happened last year.
Jim: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
Pam: No, no, that guy who hit on me.
Jim: Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
Pam: Yeah, you don't grab these [gestures to her chest] for balance.
Jim: Well...
Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. [laughs] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
Dwight
Jim: [whispering] Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch?
Pam: [whispering] I can do it.
Dwight: [whispering] What do you need from me?