The Office

The Office Quotes

Episode 13: "Jury Duty"

Dwight: That baby is a Schrute, and unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: Don't you wanna see the baby?
Dwight: Why? I know what Angela and the Senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: I don't know if it's right.
Robert: Well if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: He remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Oscar: Please don't say anything offensive.
Kevin: Got that bimbo?
Erin: Got it bimbo.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stanley: My wife got to the tv first. I had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles.
 • Rating: Unrated

Darryl: Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby?
Kevin: A little bit. Yeah. Right guys? Back me up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Erin: Angela had the baby?
Kevin: Is it black? Because that would be hilarious.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight (to Jim): I can't believe that let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 12: "Pool Party"

Val: Does Daryl not swim?
Kevin: That's racist!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Erin: Dwight, are chemistry is really clicking. We work so well together.
Dwight: I know. I could just bang you right now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Erin: What is the most romantic possible thing?
Dwight: We can get some chicken fights going in the pool.
 • Rating: Unrated

Erin: I think sexy eating is a dead end.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve...I was home by nine.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kevin: Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I haven't proposed to anyone in years.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 11: "Trivia"

Kevin: A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, so if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are you just might catch one.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robert: Alligators are dinosaurs Dwight. You know that right?
Dwight: Mmmm, it's complicated.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: You're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "The Office" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!