Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.

Michael

Dwight: Ask him about the party.
Michael: [on speakerphone] Oh, right. David, are you coming to my 15th anniversary party?
David: I'll give it my best shot, Michael.
Dwight: No the other thing.
Michael: Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? [longsilence]
Dwight: He hung up?
David: No.

Michael: [on speakerphone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
David: What gave you that idea?
Michael: It was my understanding.
David: I see.

I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled.

Michael

Michael: Ok, ok, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. [starts round of applause] He has a long trip home. Thank you for coming in. We have to get back to work.
Charles: Michael, I'm going to stay for the day.
Michael: Oh no, no, no. You don't have to do that. I've got this covered. This was just a meet-and-greet.
Charles: No, it's a little bit more than that. I'm going to set up in here, ok?

Charles: Yeah, I will. What I told Michael last week-
Michael: Charles is going to tell you.
Charles: Is that we are cutting three percent across the board, which means we will no longer be matching 401k contributions. All overtime requests will need to come through the corporate office.
Stanley: Fantastic.
Michael: Well, it's not official.
Charles: It is official. It is official. And actually, guys, I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze on discretionary spending.

Charles: Thank you, Michael. Thank you for the C-shaped bagels.
Michael: Oh! Well...
Charles: That's great.
Michael: Above and beyond.
Charles: Hey, you know we're in tough times and we're not immune to this economy.
Michael: That's true.
Charles: But the goal is to, you know, fight our way through this.

Michael: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange [points to Andy]
Andy: Hey-o!
Michael: There you go! Where's the other?
Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
Kevin: Hey!

This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I am very proud of him for that.

Michael
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