Blake: The White House is on the line.
Elizabeth: Of course they are. Because I just tied The President to a drug dealer.

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

Schmidt

My mom? You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!

Schmidt

I just got a treat, too. It's not candy. I'm not a dumb little baby like you.

Schmidt

Enjoy the break-up. If you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.

Schmidt

Cease lovemaking! All lovemaking must cease!

Schmidt

Human dental dam!

Schmidt

She's older--MUCH older--DEEPLY Korean.

Schmidt

Tough time in Schmidtsburgh.

Schmidt

Let's talk about it, in my perfect two-thirds replica of Don Draper's office.

Schmidt

Schmidt: No sig oths.
Cece: Just say "significant others."
Schmidt: Maybe you have that kind of time, but I'm on a tight sched.

I wouldn't even begin to know how to steal a swag.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 32 in total

Max Greenfield Quotes

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!