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Episode Details

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Episode 3: "I Heart NJ"

When Stella expects Ted to move into her house, Ted tries to sell the gang on how great New Jersey is.

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Episode 3 Quotes

Marshall: I hate New York! I'm sorry, but it's true! Today, I was walking around PriceCo. Have you been there? It's huge! All the stores in New York are so cramped! Every time I turn around I knock something over. I'm like some huge monster that came out of the oceans to destroy bodegas! ...I'm too big for New York, okay! I'm always trying to fit into cramped little subway seats, or duck under doorways that were built a hundred and fifty years ago. "Hey, people are bigger now! Build bigger doorways! What the hell is wrong with you?" ...And it's so loud. All the time. Yes, I know it's the city that never sleeps, but guess what? I like to sleep! I've been tired for eight years! Tired and scared, with black and blue marks on my elbows from trying to fit into all these tiny elf doorways! New Jersey's great! It's got huge stores, and lawns, and you never have to carry a cup again! For the rest of your life! I'm not afraid to say it: I love New Jersey! [sees Lily's face] I'm just kidding

Lily: Ted, if you murder me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll hunt you forever.
Ted: But if I murder you and bury somewhere else?
Lily: Hey, I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons

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