How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Quotes

Season 8 Episode 24: "Something New"

Lily: Man you're fast when you're drunk!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: I would open a vein in my arm if I could bleed that locket out, just to make her happy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: A week from today we are going to be legend, wait for it...
Barney: Married!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 23: "Something Old"

Barney: I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there.
Laser Tag Kid: What's that got to do with Laser Tag?
Barney: Everything!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Stand up straight Cayden!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing, it's sad.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 22: "The Bro Mitzvah"

Robin: I'm not a virgin! My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks and one baguette. I dated a center from the Knicks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney Stinson: You didn't vet the stripper?!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney Stinson: Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Lily: Here he is. Just as hot as when his Tiger Beat photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body...The Karate Kid!
 • Rating: Unrated

Loretta Stinson: You are so funny. What's gotten into you? Oh that's right, nothing, ever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 8 Episode 21: "Romeward Bound"

Lily: I'm small town Marshall. I'm a hick from Brooklyn who's terrified of living more than ten subway stops from where I was born.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Indiana Jones wouldn't look at this body. This is a body that would melt a Nazi's face.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: When you said you were about to get reamed?
Marshall: Oh right that. No, sometimes for fun, we throw reams of paper at each other. Bernard! Not a good time! Read the room!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 8 Episode 20: "The Time Travelers "

Robin: Marshall it doesn't matter. Cause you'd lose anyway and you know why? Cause I'm Sparkles bitch!
Marshall: Oh and you think you can to me? You think you could step up to the streets? To me? You think you could step up, over me, to the streets?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: You're killing me Lily! You're killing me! You have to let me dance my own battles!
 • Rating: Unrated

20 Years From Now Barney: Hey Ted, what's this I hear slash remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 18: "Weekend at Barney's"

Barney: Um a little thing called rigor mortis?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ah Ted, your first day at the salon and you want to do a cut and color?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ted what is my one rule?
Ted: You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Flax seed relieves upset stomach?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there.
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: New is always better?
Barney: New is always better!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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