Season 5, Episode 6: "Bagpipes"
Robin [about their old neighbors bagpiping]: They're old?Ted: Really old
Robin: So what did you do?
Ted: I didn't have the heart to tell them to stop, because, hey, good for them. So I just sat down, had a hard candy, nodded politely at some racist comments and left
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Barney: There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking?
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Robin [to Barney]: Why is there bag of panties labeled "April 2006" in your closet?
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Barney: Robin and I have been keeping track of how many beds we've had sex in. We've had sex in 83 and a half beds
Ted: A half?
Barney: 19th century ottoman in an antique space
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Robin: Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't believe these two are still bagpiping
Ted: Enough! It's been six hours1 It must be that new tantric bagpiping that Sting is into
Robin: She keeps yelling at him to play the bigpipes louder, but it sounds like she's bagpiping him pretty hard. There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park
Ted: You have neighbors, so shut the bagpipes up!
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Season 5, Episode 5: "Duel Citizenship"
Barney [about Canadian $5 bill]: There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Canada's not so bad. If they play their cards right they may even become a state one day
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Barney: ...to prove you are as American as apple pie and the childhood obesity it leads to...
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Robin: How do you know the Canadian citizenship test is easy?
Barney: It's Canada. Question one, do you want to be Canadian? Question two, really?
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Ted [about him and Marshall]: We were like Lewis and Clark, if Lewis and Clark peed in water bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe
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Total Quotes: 622
