30 Rock Quotes: "St. Valentine's Day"

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Last Thursday on 30 Rock, Liz and Drew went on a date and she learned he may be even more messed up than she. Meanwhile, Jack and Elisa continued their bizarre and hilarious courtship, and Tracy tried to set Ken up with a blind chick in "St. Valentine's Day."

Below is a sampling of the best lines from this episode. Prepare to be amused (albeit a little confounded) - and check out our full library of 30 Rock quotes from all three seasons!

Poor Liz Lemon
Jack: Hallowed be my reservation. If you are able to hold my table ... Have them delay our heavenly dessert, and forgive us our lateness, as we forgive those who cause us to be late ... | permalink
Liz: Hello, Dr. Baird.
Drew: Hello, regular person Lemon. | permalink
Elisa: We are us. Let a McFlurry be what it is: the world's best dessert. | permalink
Kenneth: I wouldn't have this job if it wasn't for the mouth in my back. | permalink
Waiter: [to Jack] Is this like a Sixth Sense thing? Would you like a place setting for your friend? | permalink
Elisa: Please don't tell me you're one of those convenient Catholics who only goes to church every Sunday. | permalink
Jack: I have faith ... in things that I can buy and sell and deregulate. Capitalism is my religion. | permalink
Liz: Mandy. Is that a male friend, like Mandy Patinkin? | permalink
Liz: OK, I guess we just jumped ahead to date four. | permalink
Liz: Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water. | permalink
Kenneth: I feel all car sick inside. | permalink
Jack: I once declared 'I am God' during a deposition. | permalink
Priest: I need backup! Harvard did not prepare me for this. | permalink
Jack: I may have sodomized our former vice president while under the influence of some weapons grade narcotics. Oh, it feels good to say that one out loud actually. That one was weighing on me. | permalink
Elisa: How dare you say such things so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, patron saint of judgmental statues! | permalink
Jack: Oh, come on Lemon, what is this? A green card thing?
Liz: No.
Jack: Closet case?
Liz: I don't think so.
Jack: Slump buster?
Liz: No, he's not a ballplayer.
Jack: Bundy-esque serial killer?
Liz: That was my first thought, but no. This is actually happening, and I'm blowing it. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

I went to college in Boston. Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts!