Melrose Place Review: "Windsor"

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Seven episodes in, we can conclusively say that Melrose Place gets more right than it gets wrong. Unfortunately, what is wrong with the show is often SO UNBELIEVABLY BAD that it's 2-3 eye-rolling moments that end up sticking in your brain each week.

Let's start with the good things about last night:

  • Lauren and David. Holy chemistry! He offered to help her with her late tuition and she grew suspicious of where he gets his money, and busted him stealing. This led to a heated exchange that made us long for even more heat between them.
  • Riley and Jonah. As Riley left in the morning for her modeling shoot and Jonah for his meeting at Paramount, expectations were high for the couple. They were not met. Watching these two balance their careers and love for each other is compelling.
  • Ella. Despite her obvious disdain for Riley and her modeling gig, Ella has her back when Jo Reynolds (Daphne Zuniga) gets on her case. And even that ridiculous hat (below) maybe kinda sorta works because it's Ella. Katie Cassidy rules.

Now, the bad things. Hope you're sitting down...

  • The writing staff needs to pick it big time. Master thief David leaves blueprints, photos and black gloves on his table? Jonah is downcast until a hot, geeky assistant rescues his film? Riley is really astonished that she'd have to go topless? Groan.
  • Continuity. Last week's ended with a big confrontation with Michael and Violet, but now she's back to normal? The cops were swarming on Sydney's murder, but now they're AWOL? The original Melrose stars seem like stunts, completely out of place.
  • Ashlee Simpson-Wentz. This girl provides the worst acting ever seen on TV, and Andrew Shue was on the original Melrose before going on to bigger, better things at Cafe Mom. Unless Violet is really a serial killer, in which case Ash is doing really well!

What else went down? Check out our full recap of "Windsor" and see.

At Her Photo Shoot

Some of our favorite Melrose Place quotes from last night ...

Auggie: She kissed me, okay? Not the other way around.
Jonah: [shocked] You guys kissed. | permalink
Riley: [to Jonah] I don't need to see your name in the opening credits to know I'm marrying the perfect guy. | permalink
Jo: Nobody really wants to teach public school and marry some guy who can't even pay the bills. | permalink
Jonah: Was that Johnny Depp on the phone?
Andy: Welcome to the dream, my friend. | permalink
Jonah: [on Violet, lurking by the pool] What were you doing out here, gauging the pH levels? | permalink
Ella: Selling out? Weren't you the one who traded in the refugee camps for a 12-page spread in Vogue? Maybe Riley wasn't the only one out there posing today. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Melrose Place Season 1 Episode 7 Quotes

Selling out? Weren't you the one who traded in the refugee camps for a 12-page spread in Vogue? Maybe Riley wasn't the only one out there posing today.


Models are like jeans. You just need to break her in a little bit.