Last night's life-altering Jersey Shore got off to a trashy start with "What Happens in AC." That set the bar very low, but the second hour probably managed to sneak under it!

The summer's ending but the drama doesn't stop as Pauly's got a stalker and a fight lands Ronnie in jail. You're a regular Brad Ferro, Ron! Just kidding. At least he hit a dude.

Pauly D simply can't shake this Israeli girl following him on the boardwalk. And everywhere else Pauly goes. Not even pretending to be Mike on the phone can throw her off.

Meanwhile, Mike and Pauly are bored and start pulling practical jokes on Mike's house enemies. That would be pretty much everyone at this point, but they start with Snooki.

Earlier, Mike had gotten slapped by JWoww and now Vinny is all up in his grill too. Fortunately, the house confronts Mike and he sort of cools it ... at least for a few minutes.

The big drama of the night comes when some dudes make fun of Snooki outside the club. Ronnie decides he will retaliate, big time. Click here for a full recap of "One Shot."

Then peep some of the Jersey Shore quotes we compiled from the episode ...

Ronnie gets arrested after a fight on the boardwalk.

Snooki: I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much. | permalink

Snooki: [to JWoww] If you leave, I'm going to stuff your nose with Tampons. | permalink

Ronnie: That was one punch! | permalink

Vinny: Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands... she's definitely a stage 5 clinger. | permalink

Situation: It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.