Best of Desperate Housewives Season Three Quotes

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Season three of Desperate Housewives resumed six months after season two with Mike still in a coma from being run over by Orson.  From there we were treated to a dizzying number of plotlines, including two marriages!

There's no question the ladies of Wisteria Lane live anything but the normal life of a housewife.  Whether it's affairs, murders, or troublesome family members, you can always count on Marc Cherry's creation to bring the drama.

Carlos and Edie Picture

With the drama, of course, we can always count on great dialogue and the season three quotes were no exception.  With over 350 of them, we have plenty to keep you entertained.

Whether you crave Mary Alice's narration or Gabby's sass, we have it all for you.  Just check our favorite Desperate Housewives quotes from season three:

Mary Alice: This is what rainy days are good for. They make everything clean again. Especially on a street like Wisteria Lane, where everything can get so messy. | permalink
Carlos: Hey, are there any decent, single women at this wedding?
Waiter: Not that I have seen it.
Lynette: Hey, Carlos. You should come over to our table, that's where all the hotties are. | permalink
Nora: But it's not your life. You're life's perfect..
Lynette: Excuse me? Did you smoke that bong before you beat the guy with it?
Nora: It's just...You have it all! You have the kids, you have the career. You have the husband. You're super mom
Lynette: And you think that's easy? Okay I have a good life yes, yes I am very lucky, but I work 12 hours a day and then I come home to what seems like 33 children and a husband who refuses to get a job. Believe me there's not a super-mom out there who wouldn't trade in her cape for a chance to read a book and get a massage from a man that has the decency to leave when it's over! | permalink
Orson: When Andrew was on the street, he...uh...he didn't just beg for money. At times he...well, he did things to earn it.
Bree: Well, good. I mean, I'd hate to think he had no work ethic at all.
Orson: What I mean is, men hired do things...things he wasn't very proud of.
Bree: Yardwork?
Orson: 'Fraid not.
Bree: Orson, you're scaring me. Did he do something awful?
Orson: No, no. Not awful. People do it all the time. I do it with you. I just don't pay you for it. (Bree's jaw drops and she gasps) I think someone could use some cocoa. | permalink
Gabrielle: Can I tell you guys something? Something I can only tell you guys?
Susan: Oh god, here she goes again! What grade is he in? | permalink
Carolyn: There's never a good reason for hitting a woman.
Bree: I used to think that too. Then I met you. Good day. | permalink
Orson: I don't care, my mother's not moving in here until she fits in a jar on the mantle. | permalink
Gabrielle: You're opening up a salon? God... Could you get any gayer?
Vern: It's a consulting firm for beauty pageants contestants.
Gabrielle: And the answer's yes. | permalink
Mary Alice: There is a reason people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions, or curling up with a cup of eggnog, or that unexpected kiss beneath a mistletoe, or receiving a present from that special someone, no, people look forward to Christmas, because they know it's a time for miracles | permalink
Tom: I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She is part of our family now and.. you know what that means.
Lynette: Yeah! I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children. | permalink
Gabrielle: Honey, let's get real, you are way too young for me.
Zach: I'm two months older than John Rowland. | permalink
Gabrielle: A single woman in her thirties. I now have to subscribe to Cat Fancy. It's the law. | permalink
Carlos: If you don't remember then how can you be sure you and Zach had sex?
Gabrielle: We were both half-naked and there was a condom wrapper and he said I was amazing, which totally sounds like me. | permalink
Austin: You won't return my calls.
Julie: Well, I've been busy. Plus, my mom caught you naked on top of my friend! | permalink
Gabrielle: You can't force me to take off this dress!
Samantha: This is pepper spray. In three seconds your eyeballs will be on fire.
Gabrielle: Could you help me with the clasp? | permalink
Mary Alice: Passion. It's a force so potent we still remember it long after it's faded away. A drive so alluring it can push us into the arms of unexpected lovers. A sensation so overwhelming, it can knock down walls we've built to protect our hearts. A feeling so intense, it resurfaces even though we tried so hard to keep it buried. Yes, of all emotions, passion is the one that gives us a reason to live, and an excuse to commit all sorts of crimes. | permalink
Gabrielle: So here's what's gonna happen. We're not talking to Edie anymore.
Lynette: What do you mean we?
Gabrielle: I mean we as in she betrayed me and you're my best friends so you're gonna support me because that's what friends do.
Susan: And support you, means acting like we're in junior high? | permalink
Susan: You name one thing that you think is going over the top.
Mike: The dove wrangler...
Susan: Well the doves aren't going to release themselves! | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.


Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.


There were many things Gabrielle Solis knew for certain. She knew red was her color. She knew diamonds went with everything and she knew men were all the same. But the one thing Gabrielle knew above all else...she would never want children. Unfortunately for Gabrielle, her husband, Carlos, felt differently. Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew without a doubt she didn't want to be a mother, but what she couldn't know was just how much her husband wanted to be a father, or that he'd been tampering with her birth control for months. Or that within one week's time, she'd be pregnant

Mary Alice