Gossip Girl Round Table: "War at the Roses"

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Welcome back to another edition of TVF's Gossip Girl Round Table, where our panelists break down Monday's show (see our review of the episode earlier this morning).

Below, chief Gossip Girl writer Mister Meester joins critic-in-chef DANdy and TVF shot-caller Gossip Guy to discuss GG quotes, plots, enemies with benefits and more.


1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from last night?

Gossip Guy: Blair referring to Jenny as Gothic Barbie. I wonder when Mattel is releasing that product.

Mister Meester: Aside from the obvious hate-sex preamble, I'll take Blair's "You put gladiolas in my cabbage roses? The Waldorf's isn't a Best Western!" I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like a stinging rebuke just the same.

DANdy: Blair's shout-out to Jonathan Franzen. I'm curious how many viewers even know who that is!

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2. Was the ending the hottest Chair scene ever?

Gossip Guy: OMFG.

Mister Meester: It has to be at least up there with the limo scene from the first season. Call it a tentative tie until they blow it out of the water next week (hopefully).

DANdy: Hottest Chair scene ever? Yes. Hottest Gossip Girl scene ever? No. That honor falls to Nate and Serena's bar stool sex from the very first episode. A close second: every scene with Serena in that dress from last week.

3. Was last night's episode too convoluted?

Gossip Guy: It wouldn't be Gossip Girl if it wasn't.

Mister Meester: Gossip Girl always will be to a degree, and I'll get invested in any plot that's scandalous and funny, and in which the characters behave in a plausible way (albeit in their fictional universe). For example, Chair's peace treaty was great, no matter how silly, but both Dan's and Juliet's  story lines failed to do it for me.

DANdy: Convoluted?!? It was simple: Juliet's cousin doesn't know that the student he wants to bang is the same girl Juliet and her brother are trying to expel, for reasons still unknown; while Dan... did a lot of stuff online, for reasons not totally explained, that enabled an old video of Blair to surface at her 20th birthday party and humiliate her because she was mostly off-key in it. Rachel Zoe also showed up.


HUMILIATION: A Nelly Yuki snuff film would have been better.

4. Hardest to believe: That the drunken video was really so embarrassing to Blair, that Serena attends Columbia (in general), or that Dan cared enough about his parents' anniversary and/or revenge to plan that whole charade?

Gossip Guy: That Serena or Nate could possibly attend any college, let alone an Ivy League school. How can the two of these beautiful morons continue to trust Juliet? At least Nate was trying to get some.  Serena... your excuse?

Mister Meester: None of Dan's shenanigans made a lot of sense, nor does Serena attending an institution of higher learning, but Blair's humiliation stood out most. She already made the Jenny situation seem like the dirtiest secret ever. How does this compare?

DANdy: Serena and Columbia. I always thought that Ivy League institution was at least harder to get into than she is.

5. The Juliet storyline: Intriguing or boring?

Gossip Guy: I swear I'm not just saying this because Katie Cassidy is ridiculously attractive, but I'm still intrigued. Each week they add a new little twist to her story that I need to know what's happening already!  Okay, we finally got their connection: they're all family. Check.  Now what the hell did Serena do to them?

Mister Meester: All I have to say is that this had better be good, because with the time it's taking to play out, my patience is being stretched. Ben can text and call from jail whenever he wants. You'd think they could hurry this along ...

DANdy: Put it this way: I'd rather watch Letters to Juliet. On an endless loop.

Bonus: What's something you can imagine in the peace treaty but was never mentioned?

Gossip Guy: Much like Tiger Woods, I'm positive Blair put a gag order on Chuck to never speak of Gothic Barbie again. See what I did there? I'm trying to get it to stick.

Mister Meester: That after consummating the deal, Blair is entitled to a severance package, if you know what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about anything financial.

DANdy: Neither side will reveal the identity of A in Pretty Little Liars.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments!

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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You put gladiolas in my cabbage roses? The Waldorf's is not a Best Western!