Golden Globes 2014: Grade the Monologue!

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It's official: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler really do need to host every awards show ever.

The actresses emceed tonight's Golden Globe Awards and kicked it off with a monologue that referred to Matt Damon as "garbage," the wigs in American Hustle and George Clooney's love life.

Here were our favorite zingers:

Amy: “Matt Damon is here for Behind the Candelabra. Matt, on any other night in another room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage person.”

Tina: “Bradley Cooper is here, star of American Hustle. Interesting trivia: The original title of that movie was Explosion at the Wig Factory.”

Tina: “Matthew McConaughey is here. For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.’”

Amy: “The Wolf of Wall Street is a big nominee tonight. I really love the film, but some of it was too graphic. I mean, if I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I’d go to one of Jonah Hill’s pool parties.”

Amy: “Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.”

And the winner...

Tina: “Gravity is nominated for best film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”



Matt Richenthal is the Editor in Chief of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter and on Google+.

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