How bad has television been over the years? Oh, pretty darn bad.
Take a look at some of the shows we can’t believe ever existed in the gallery below. Some are self-explanatory, and others need a little help.
Do you remember these duds? If so, we’re sorry to bring back memories that are likely less than fond. If not, there’s a reason for that …
Manimal – 1983
Manimal won’t die. 1983 was a great year for terrible television and Maminal was one of the less than fortunate series to die an early death that season. Airing only eight episodes, it was about a professor who could turn into any animal to fight crime. In 2014 Will Ferrell announced he’d take it to the big screen and the full series will arrive on DVD in Nov. 2015. You’re welcome.
AfterMASH – 1983-85
It turns out that nobody wanted to follow the antics of Klinger, Col. Potter and Father Mulcuhy after the war ended. Yet it still lasted longer than one season. Ride on that M*A*S*H success!
The Charmings – 1987-88
I bet the people who created this little gem about Prince Charming and Snow White living in modern day Burbank kick themselves every time they watch Once Upon a Time. It’s all about doin’ it right, my friends.
Homeboys in Outer Space – 1996-97
A pair of astronauts travel the universe in Space Hoopty, a car-shaped rocket ship. Because why?
Cavemen – 2007
A good idea for a 30 second commerical spot does not necessarily translate to a 23 minute sitcom. Whoever thought a TV series about three cavemen living in modern times certainly learned that lesson in a snap.
Me and the Chimp – 1972
A former NASA chimp finds a new human family. Hijinks ensue. Or not.
Mr. Smith – 1983
This is a doozy. A circus orangutan gets separated from his trainer and drinks a special mixture (which we would all love to have), raising his IQ to 256. Lucky guy gets a job advising the President. Of the United States. As you do.
My Mother the Car 1965-66
Guy buys a used car after his deceased mother talks to him through the car’s radio. Of course, nobody else can hear her, meaning he’s probably emotional ill to a high degree. No matter. Let’s all laugh!
Cop Rock – 1990
Sure, Steven Bochco! We LOVE Hill Street Blues. If you add song and dance, there’s no doubt it will ALSO be a screaming success! No, folks, this wasn’t light fare, just a gritty cop drama with singing and dancing. Just like real life. Huh?
The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer – 1998
Gambling is bad for this black Englishman, who is chased out of his native country for racking up debts. After arriving in America, he gets a job as Abraham Lincoln’s butler. An unaired pilot had controversial material about slavery that doomed the show.
The Ropers – 1979-80
Wasn’t it universally accepted that the worst part about Three’s Company was their nosy landlords, the Ropers? Well, hell. Let’s give ’em their own show!
Hello, Larry – 1979
McLean Stevenson wanted to be killed off of M*A*S*H* to ensure he’d never return. That worked out well. He got Hello, Larry, about a radio talk show host. This Diff’rent Strokes spinoff later worked great for Frasier, not so much for Larry. The show was widely panned. Kim Richards, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reality star, also starred!
Baby Bob – 2002
The baby talks! Well, it does better getting a side gig on a Quiznos commercial, if truth be known.
S#*! My Dad Says – 2010
The truth of the matter is this was a great premise for a TV show and a great Twitter feed and had a great lead with William Shatner. It was adding all of the extraneous character and story that really frakked it up. Take something simple and try to muddy the waters and you get crap TV. That’s how that works.
Casablanca – 1983
Don’t give up on us baby! (Look it up.) David Soul as Rick Blaine? Sure, a bit of a prequel to the events of the movie version, this Rick got involved in the lives of his patrons. And the women who frequented the joint. This was more of a case of the original being so iconic that there was no way to do it justice. Probably ever.
Holmes and Yoyo – 1976
This is kind of Almost Human waaaaaay before the latter gave it a whirl. Holmes tries to teach Yoyo the robot how to be human while also keeping his secret from the world.
Joe Millionaire – 2006
Who wants to marry a millionaire, who is really a poor construction worker in disguise? Well, really nobody, but then there wouldn’t be a show. We assume the ladies’ trip to France was all expenses paid.
She’s the Sheriff – 1987
Suzanne Somers first gig after Three’s Company was as a widow who gets appointed a small town sheriff after her husband, the residing sheriff, dies and then gets harassed constantly on the job by a colleague who doesn’t think she deserves it.
The Swan – 2004
Is there a better way to improve your life than to get multiple plastic surgeries and then subject yourself to a beauty pageant on television to discover if you’re the most beautiful? Yeah, we don’t think so, either.
Anchorwoman – 2007
Former Price is Right model attempts to be a REAL LIFE anchorwoman in the tiny town of Tyler Texas… It was like a slo-motion train wreck with a southern twang.
The Amazing Spider-Man – 1977
The first live action take on Spider-man was a bit disappointing. Why? Because there was not a supervillain in site.The only baddies this dude took down were everyday bank robbers and other petty criminals. Booooo.
The Tortellis – 1987
Yay!! A Cheers spinoff!! Wait. It’s one about the biggest loser at the bar and his bimbo wife and their TV repair business. Really? Because that’s entertaining how?
Beverly Hills Buntz – 1987
Did you know there was a Hill Street Blues spinoff? And that it revolved around Norman Buntz? We didn’t either. Dennis Franz was a standout as a NYC tough-as-nails cop, but as a fish out of water LA private investigator, he was all wet.
The Brady Brides – 1981
The Brady Brides, or as I liked to call it, Jan’s ultimate revenge. She sure got the right side of the bride deal as Marcia Marcia Marcia married the dorkiest husband in all husband-dom. The series (thankfully) lasted all of six episodes. Never fear, it wasn’t even the last of the Brady spinoffs.
Joanie Loves Chachi – 1982
We already knew Joanie loved Chachi, they certainly didn’t need to spin them off to Chicago in an attempt to become a singer/songwriter duo. Amazingly, the series lasted 19 episodes, which is testament to the power of 16 Magazine and others of that ilk.
Cult – 2013
You’d think that Matthew Davis, Robert Knepper and Marie Avgeropoulos could make anything a success. You’d be wrong. The concept sounded pretty cool, about a show within a show and a cult going a lot farther than expected. It just didn’t work.
Coupling – 2003
Coupling was an incredibly successful and funny British TV series. It should have stayed that way. Looking back at the US remake, half of the cast was very good. The other half? Not so much. As often happens, in addition to the questionable casting decisions, the US wasnt’t willing to go the extra step with the comedy and it fell flat.
LAX – 2004
Heather Locklear is often brought in on series as a closer, to pick up flailing shows to breathe life back into them. When you’re talking about the story of an aggressive runway chief and a cocky terminal manager at Los Angeles International Airport, all bets are off. Who would want to watch that?
Out of This World – 1987-1991
This was a little out there (ha). A girl talks to her weird alien dad in a pyramid on her nightstand. Kids may have enjoyed it, but we’re left scratching our heads looking back.
Teen Angel – 1997
A guy ate an old hamburger and came back as a guardian angel. OK then.
Baywatch Nights – 1995
Who really thought, “Put the clothes on, Hasslehoff and get to detecting!”?? Let’s be honest, part of the appeal of Baywatch (millions of viewers were not wrong) was the hot people in their skimpy suits. Angie Harmon is a beautiful woman, but she’s not in a bathing suit in this one. It’s not the best training for Rizzoli & Isles.
Unhappily Ever After – 1995-99
It was a bad ripoff of Married With Children, but the father was schizophrenic and Bobcat Goldthwait was Mr. Floppy. Despite airing for 100 episodes (WHAT?), only one of the series is looked back upon fondly.
Ally – 1999-2000
A stripped down half-hour version of Ally McBeal with added scenes, without courtroom scenes only about Ally’s personal life. Um. No.
