We’re recalling some of the best lines from Lafayette Reynolds on True Blood.
Nobody could deliver a line like Nelsan Ellis.
Enjoy!
Hey, Hookah. How you doin’? what are you doing here? I work he…
Lafayette: Hey, Hookah. How you doin’? what are you doing here? Tara: I work here. Lafayette: Oh, no the hell you don’t! Tara: Oh, yes the hell I do too, you ugly bitch. Lafayette: Shit. Sam must’ve lost his damned mind because you should not be allowed to work in no situation where you actually have to interact with the people
All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find …
Lafayette: All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find your own ride home. Just in case I get lucky. Tara: Whatchu mean if you get lucky? Your standards are so low you always get lucky
I shouldn’t have lost it like that. Don’t you feel sorry for y…
Sookie: I shouldn’t have lost it like that. Tara: Don’t you feel sorry for yellin’ at that snoopy old bitch. She’s been stickin’ her nose where it don’t belong for years. Lafayette: Say it. I mean, if she talked any more shit she’d be shaped like a toilet
It felt like… It felt like every single care or worry or saddn…
Sookie [describing Bill biting her]: It felt like… It felt like every single care or worry or saddness I’ve ever had was just flowin’ out of me and into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But when I relaxed, it didn’t hurt at all. Lafayette: I was always scared to let him bite me. I don’t know, Sookie. I just think that when there’s blood involved, a line been crossed. Sookie: Oh, I definitely crossed a line and glad I did. Lafayette: Well you go ahead on, hookah with your badass. Good for you. It ain’t possible to live unless you crossin’ somebody’s line.
If you die I’m gonna be really pissed That makes two of us
Tara: If you die I’m gonna be really pissed Lafayette: That makes two of us
Make me a vampire. I beg your pardon? You can put me to work…
Lafayette: Make me a vampire. Eric: I beg your pardon? Lafayette: You can put me to work in the bar…I’m a good dancer you’ve seen it on my site. (Eric walks around to him) Shit, I’d get up there and I’d move Earth and Heaven go-go style. Eric: You are aware there’s a gaping hole in your leg? You’re damaged goods. Lafayette: Not if you turn me. I’d be good as ever. Look I…I’m already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamour people already. Gimme what ya’ll got…not only will I be a bad-ass vampire, but I’d be your bad-ass vampire
I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your v…
Lafayette [while shaking the senator’s hand]: I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your values. Too often we’re governed by criminals and hypocrites. Don’t you agree? But I can tell you’re a man of virtues and I applaud the effort you’re making against the poor and disenfranchised. Especially the vampires and the gays. So many things can happen to bring down a person such as yourself. You might wanna be careful
You’re too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to…
Lafayette: You’re too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently.
Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that don’t mean we d…
Lafayette: Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that don’t mean we don’t still talk from time to time.
This has got to be the worst motherf**king intervention in histo…
Lafayette: This has got to be the worst motherfucking intervention in history
If only Miss Jeanette was still alive. She don’t need no backw…
Lettie Mae: If only Miss Jeanette was still alive. Lafayette [about Tara]: She don’t need no backwards witch. She needs Thorazine and padded cell
Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say I am…
Bill: Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say Tara: I am not your fucking slave girl Lafayette: If there ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this is it
I got a lot on my mind lately. That must be new.
Jason: I got a lot on my mind lately. Lafayette: That must be new.
Them f**kers is a whole new dimension of trash.
Lafayette: Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash.
Go tell your mama that two faggots whooped your ass!
Lafayette: Go tell your mama that two faggots whooped your ass!
We’ll stay for five minutes. 10 if they got dranks.
Lafayette: We’ll stay for five minutes. Ten if they got dranks.
You’re a witch, who’s a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so luck…
Lafayette: You’re a witch, who’s a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so lucky?
We could end up in Hell, or f**kin South Dakota.
Lafayette: We could end up in Hell, or fuckin South Dakota.
Marnie won. We’re f**ked.
Lafayette: Marnie won. Jesus: We’re fucked.
Marni just puked that bitch out.
Lafayette: Marnie just puked that bitch out.
I felt like a giant-ass puppet for your ghost uncle.
Lafayette: I felt like a giant-ass puppet for your ghost uncle.
Next time, text a motherf***er or somethun’ and save us all from…
Lafayette: Next time, text a motherf***er or somethun’ and save us all from a world of worry.
Goat tongue for breakfast. Wow. That smells well done.
Lafayette: Goat tongue for breakfast. Wow. That smells well done.
You is the angel of death.
Lafayette [to Sookie]: You is the angel of death.
Arlene, these beans is colder than titties in a brass bra.
Lafayette: Arlene, these beans is colder than titties in a brass bra.
I’m a bitch not a snitch, love it.
Lafayette: I’m a bitch not a snitch, love it.
Save room for dessert. I ain’t gonna tell ya’ll what it is, but …
Lafayette: Save room for dessert. I ain’t gonna tell ya’ll what it is, but best believe it’s gonna be flamin.
I ain’t Gmail for dead bitches.
Lafayette: I ain’t Gmail for dead bitches. Send your own goddamned messages!
Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie bathroom?
Lafayette: Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie bathroom?
Hookah I ain’t in the helpin’ business no more. I’m in the fu-k …
Lafayette: Hookah I ain’t in the helpin’ business no more. I’m in the fu-k off while I smoke a blunt business and business is about to pick way the fu-k up.
You gotta eat yah grease to beat the booze.
Lafayette: You gotta eat yah grease to beat the booze.
You ready for this? Bout as ready as Big Pharma can make a man…
Sookie: You ready for this? Lafayette: Bout as ready as Big Pharma can make a man.
Now let me get this hetero straight, so you’s a vampire that can…
Lafayette: Now let me get this hetero straight, so you’s a vampire that can come out in the daytime. Warlow: Yeah, in a nutshell. Lafayette: There go the damn neighborhood.
Well hey there sugar boo boo. Now what is you doing here at yo p…
Lafayette: Well hey there sugar boo boo. Now what is you doing here at yo place of work? Cause I know it ain’t work.
That’s the sickest thing I’ve seen in TV. And I watch Dance Moms…
Lafayette: That’s the sickest thing I’ve seen in TV. And I watch Dance Moms.
Sh*t I’m pregnant again. Hey, you forgot your rings. F**k …
Arleen: Sh*t I’m pregnant again. Lafayette: Hey, you forgot your rings. Arleen: F**k the rings.
