Kelso: Bar codes? What the hell is this, a supermarket? That's a human being, for god's sake!
Dr. Cox: Listen, old prospector. I know that any new machine scares you, but here's the well-held secret: you know that box that records your favorite television shows? There isn't a demon inside of it!
Kelso: Then how does it know what I like?! I miss the good old days, when doctors and patients actually got to know each other. You know, back when sexually harassing a nurse was just considered polite chit-chat.
Turk: Yes...the good old days. Back when a man of my color couldn't be a doctor...but could live out his life-long dream of one day driving a white woman to her hair appointments. Yes. Things were much better back then.
Dr. Kelso: See? Turkleton gets it.

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Turk, Perry Cox, Bob Kelso
Scrubs Season 9 Episode 10: "Our True Lies"
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Scrubs Season 9 Episode 10 Quotes

Denise: I need your help. I have a patient that had to pee on a ski lift so she pulled her pants down and her butt froze to the seat and when she got off she lost most of the skin on her ass.
Drew: What's the question?
Denise: Can I laugh at that?
Drew: That depends, is she within ear shot?
Denise: No.
Drew: That's funny. No butt skin.
Denise: I lied, she's right behind you.

Babe, I can read you like the back of a DVD cover.