Popular Andy Bernard Quotes
Jim: Yikes.
Kevin: Already sent it to you my friend.
Jim: Fantastic.
Andy: Boring. Call me if she rolls over.
Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.
Michael: Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.
Andy: Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?
Michael: Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.
Andy: Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott.
Michael: Oh.
Andy: Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.
Michael: Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.
Andy: Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.
Michael: Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.
Phyllis: We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen.
Karen: Oh, uh, thanks.
Michael: Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.
Stanley: Pass.
Michael: You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody.
Stanley: ... I'll take the kid.
In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
Andy: I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know?
Michael: Hawkman.
Andy: My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons.
Michael: Let's go. The men's room was disgusting.
Michael: Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack?
Buyer: Yep.
Michael: You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big.
Andy: Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest. Also shot a deer once.
Michael: You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency.
Andy: Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.
Buyer: Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We've had some problems in the past.
Michael: I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company.
Andy: Oh, man, that is, like, poetry.
Michael: No.
Andy: I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.
Michael: Stop it.
Jim: You gonna answer it?
Andy: I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring.
Jim: Yikes.
Andy: Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you.
Jim: Thank you.
Andy: I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna.
Andy: Hey, boss.
Michael: Hey, what's up.
Andy: Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. TGI-Wednesday. Am I right?
Michael: Yep.
Andy: Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my "Lost" on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out?
Michael: I don't know. Maybe.
Andy: Well, I will take that as a maybe.
Andy: Good morning, Pam.
Pam: Oh, welcome back, Andy.
Andy: Drew. I'm Drew now.
Pam: Oh. Drew. Sorry.
Andy: Apology not... accepted. Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place. [cracks self up]
Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. But after five weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies.
Saboteur! Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game... the game is over, I'm really going to shoot you!
Andy
