Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSAndy Torres Quotes
Ellie: When Andy and I met, we were in the same circle of friends, but basically, it was just a doink chain that I worked my way around.
Andy: And guess who was last?
Ellie: How are you not embarrassed?
Bobby: Sorry Ellie, can't be done.
Andy: It's true, this is the guy who's main goal in life is to party so hard he craps his pants in every country.
Bobby: I already knocked off America and Mexico. Mexico was easy.
Bobby: Look at this office! If I ever sold my boat I could live here.
Andy: No.
Grayson: Whoa, Andy, what's up?
Andy: I brought over pizza and beer.
Grayson: Why?
Andy: You know... I'm not sure.
Grayson: Okay, well, I have to go open up my restaurant, so...
Andy: I can't go home yet. They'll just make me come back.
Bobby: Come on man, it's time to start living like you have a mustache.
Grayson: Now that's gibberish.
Andy: No, it's not. It means I have to ask myself the ultimate question, what would Burt Reynolds do?
Ellie: Why are those two so mopey?
Andy: You know that secret I've been keeping since Thanksgiving? Well I'll save the heart burn and stress so I'm just gonna let it out. Bobby and Grayson are both kind of interested in Jules.
Ellie: Are you telling me the overly flirty next door neighbor and the ex-husband who's never not here both like Jules? That is a revelation!
Travis, women will always drive us nuts, but have compassion for they only behave that way to protect themselves. They date men they feel superior to so they can't get hurt.
Andy: Can you forget that was your mom?
Travis: No problem.
Andy: When a woman has just dominated another woman, she feels ferocious. This is a great time to ask for sex.
Travis: Mom is sort of creeping back in.
Andy: I never said this was gonna be easy. Come on.
Travis: Why am I still following?
Travis: Does this mean my girlfriend doesn't like my short stories?
Andy: Of course not, Trav. No one does.
Stan's an explorer like Magellan... or Dora.
Ellie: Why are your boyfriends acting so weird?
Andy: First of all, only Bobby is my boyfiend and they're not acting weird.
[Andy and Ellie watching their sex tape]
Andy: Is my back really that hairy?
Ellie: Yes
Andy: Is this in slow motion?
Ellie: No
Andy: Can we just erase this?
Ellie: Yes
