McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.

Ziva: Why are you here?
Tony: Because you invited me.
Ziva: That was before.
Tony: Before what?
Ziva: You should not have come.

Ziva: That's him. Over there.
Tony: With his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl?

Tony: Thinking about visiting my ancestral home, England.
Gibbs: Why the sudden interest, DiNozzo?
Tony: I've been thinking about family a lot. I mean all I have is Senior, really. He's not getting any younger. I don't have anyone else. The way things are going I don't see kids in my future. So, I don't know. Guess I'm searching for a sense of belonging.

Tony: If you think about it, science is amazing. I mean video phone sex. You and Jake ever---
Bishop: Wow. You have no boundaries.
Tony: Come on, I'm messing with you.
Bishop: Did you miss the sexual harassment seminar?
Tony: Every year.

Sonja: Tony DiNozzo. Why does your name ring a bell?
Tony: I'm kind of a legend in the NCIS world.
Sonja: I don't know anything about that. I transferred from ATF.
Tony: ATF? Ever work with Zoe Keates?
Sonja: Yeah. Training exercises in Georgia. You two are dating!
Tony: Ah. Well that's over now.
Sonja: Well I hope for your sake she ended it, cause that girl was mean on the jujitsu mat.
Tony: I miss that.

[answers phone] DiNozzo desk.

Tony: You know the "Men" in "Men's Room" is more of a rule than a suggestion, probie.
Bishop: Look, you two always get to go off giggling to the urinal together and I always get left out. So we're going to talk and we're going to do it here.

Keates: Spider?
Tony: Keates?
Gibbs: You know her?
Tony: Um, well I..in a sort of...yeah. She's Philly PD.
Keates: She was. She's ATF now. Special Agent Zoe Keates. You want to get that gun out of my face and come over here and give me a hug?

Look at me guys. I am doing paper work. Then I'm going to go make some bread with a girl that makes me smile. I'm evolving.

Delilah: With this case, he thinks I'm trying to lose my job but I'm not. It's the opposite. I'm trying to show that I can do more, to move up.
Tony: I can understand that.
Delilah: Because there's this senior analyst opening in Dubai.
Tony: Dubai is not here.
Delilah: I know. Which leads me to another thing that I need to tell Tim.

Light me up, Lord of the Tickets. It's story time.

NCIS Quotes

Gibbs: Tobias? What the hell’s going on?
Fornell: What’s going on? You got me fired!

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott