Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

Tony: Raise your arms. Please. Ma'am. Just remember I have mouths to feed. Two goldfish. I'm their only source of income. They're awfully cute.
Porter: Relax, DiNozzo. I'm as anxious about this as you are.

Ziva: So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.

Tony: We want the boy. What do you want?
Daniel: Just to be heard. To be respected. Not to be handed your broken promises.
Tony: Welcome to the generation gap. Old habits die hard, Daniel.
Daniel: Or they just die.

Ziva: I'm feeling perfectly warm.
Tony: That's because you're like a little kimodo dragon. An ice queen.
Ziva: Or because I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Tony: I'll give you $50 for it right now.

Tony: (photographing a wrecked car) Huh, someone didn't know how to parallel park!
Ziva: I have always found it hard to park when someone is shooting with you.

McGee: I can take care of the video surveillance, it's the K-9 patrol I'm worried about.
Tony: Chillax, bro. All these budget cuts and economic problems, they can't afford dogs. Trust me.

McGee: You know, the fact that so much time has passed now, you don't even have to disclose those deaths when you sell.
Tony: Wait, is that true?

Ziva: I remember my first fight. I was eight. Shmuel Rubinstein.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did poor Shmuel do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.

Gibbs: You think you know everything DiNozzo. You don't.
Tony: I'm just trying to protect you here.
Gibbs: You know why you got sidelined? This.
Tony: This?
Gibbs: This isn't about me. Take care of your team. Do your job. Keep your head in the case. Keep Mitch's family tree to yourself.

McGee: If you don't like my rules you can find someone else to drive you in.
Tony: All I wanted was to stop for coffee. I was willing to treat.
McGee: No one eats or drinks in my car.
Tony: Well I guess sex is out of the question.

Tony: it's pretty impressive. Mossad has eyes all over the city.
Director Elbaz: All over the world, Agent DiNozzo. It's our job to see.

NCIS Quotes

‘You think you’re alone in the dark. Close your eyes. Remember everything good.’ My mom said that to me just before she died. Smart lady.

Gibbs

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott