Artie: Alright. Then what is it? What's the evil?
Mrs. Frederic: Have you considered the man that keeps bringing artifacts back into the world? The one who's trying to kill the people you care about? That, this Brother Adrian, is the evil.

Artie: You can't tell anyone.
HG Wells: I already have.
Artie: Oh my god, what have you done?
HG Wells: I shared my suspension with Mrs. Fredrick.

Artie: I was afraid you were buried alive again.
Claudia: What?
Artie: uh what?
Claudia: Again?
Artie: Why do you always listen to me when I don't want you to?

Steve: What does this guy look like?
Artie: Well, look at this place. If you see any other human being, it's probably him.

Myka: So what about Paul Bunyan's axe, or David's slingshot?
Pete: Or how about bag of magical beans?
Artie: We got the axe, we got the slingshot. The beans, please - that's just a fairytale.
Pete: It's good to know where we draw the line.

Artie: It's gotta be an artifact. Adults don't have growth spurts. No short jokes, no fat jokes, no age jokes.
Pete: Well then, I got nothing.

Artie: Anything more than a platonic relationship is just too risky.
Vanessa: Some risks are worth taking.
Artie: Some are not.
Artie: We'll see each other at the warehouse from time to time.
Vanessa: No. You don't just get to quit on us. That's not how it works.

Vanessa: Only thing that was missing, was a
Artie: A shiny copper bell.
Vanessa: I've told you this story. Well, that happens sometimes at this age. You're name's Artie, right? How do I know you?

Pete: Yeah, I don't even want to know what kind of jingle bells kicks you two kids are into?
Artie: Hey, hey, hey. It's a gift, not an artifact.

Claudia: Oh come on, I think it's so cute. You officially have a girlfriend.
Artie: She's not my girlfriend.
Claudia: Ah, are you seeing anyone else?
Artie: No.
Claudia? Do you want to?
Artie: No.
Claudia: She's your girlfriend.

Artie: Hey, look at me. When was the last time you slept?
Steve: Right after I died.

Well, you know who could help you though? Tech savvy girl, maybe with a punk rock flare and a bit of Goth.