Chard bodies. Let’s get a chard on?

Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

Remember when last year no one got flu shots because there was a rumor they’d turn you European?

Once she starts thinking about birthday cake, she becomes useless until she has birthday cake.

Ben: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to have a weapon at work.
Ron: Literally, everything is a weapon. That folder in my hands is far deadlier than this bow in yours.

Ingrid: We purchased HBO for the entire town.
Ben: You spent government money on a TV subscription?
Ingrid: It's not TV.

Well, Jerry was never the type to rise above mediocrity. Or to it.

Tom: Pop quiz. Name the scent.
Ben: Umm Spasm. No, Butterface!

Ben: I can't believe they're finally giving me the key to the city.
Leslie: I can't believe it took so long. They gave the key to every other mayor in the city. And none of them had as cute a butt as you.

Ben: Tom, we got you an autographed picture of your personal hero.
Tom: No way! Scott Caan from Hawaii 5-0!

Leslie: I love you and I like you.
Ben: I love you and I like you.

Leslie: But my mom isn't here. And you parents aren't here.
Ben: Good!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Ben: Newspaper headline was "Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.