Cheryl: Larry, what is in your nose?
Larry: It's a tampon.

Cheryl: What are you doing?
Larry: I'm practicing a tic I'm working on.

Larry: (in flashback) What do you want to be a David for?
Cheryl: I want to be your wife.
Larry: Davids want to get out of being Davids.

Cheryl: (to no one in particular) You Goddamn fucking son of a bitch!
Susie: (thinking she's being addressed) Fuck you, you car wash cunt. I had a dental appointment!

(seeking outfit approval) Is it too 'Knot's Landing'?

Cheryl: You're that scared of Krazee-Eyez that you'd flee the country?
Larry: Yes, I am! I want to live. I want to have both legs. I want to have my penis and my testicles intact.

Cheryl: I'm gonna call her.
Larry: What! You're gonna what?
Cheryl: He told you that he is fooling around with other women!
Larry: You're not gonna go call Wanda now!
Cheryl: Of course I am, she's engaged to him.
Larry: I don't care. He'll blame me! You know what he's gonna do? You ever heard his lyrics? "You betray me, you're gonna die?"

Susan: You going to thank me too?
Cheryl: And thank you Susan
Susan: You're welcome (looks to Larry)
Larry: What? Why do I have to thank you?
Susan: For dinner, that my husband and I treated you to.
Larry: Oh, I thought he treated me to it.
Susan: Stu pulled out the credit card and put it down, yes.
Larry: Yeah, so I thanked him
Susan: And he's using our money to pay for it, so you could thank us. We're taking you out to dinner.
Larry: Well, you could call it "our money," but just for the sake of discussion, he's the one who goes to work and earns the money. You don't work.

Cheryl: I'm acting like I'm not thrilled to be sitting here with you, but I am just out of my mind right now.
Larry: I've been urinating all day.
Alanis: Really? That's the effect I often have on people.

Larry: (noticing a child's enormous penis) What's going on with this kid?
Susie: Ahhh!
Jeff: Wow!
Cheryl: Honestly, it's huge.

Larry: Well, you grunt on every shot. It's really annoying, and it's throwing me off.
Cheryl: Oh, is that why you're losing?
Larry: It sounds like pigs fucking.

Cheryl: I thought you didn't like talking to people.
Larry: I don't like talking to people I know. Strangers, I don't have a problem with.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Cheryl: Well, I think you should write a letter of apology to him.
Larry: "Dear prick, why are you such a prick?"