I don't entirely understand the behavior of young people. Recently we engaged in something called a group hang. It was like a date but there were seven other people there.

Chris: According to Leslie's binder, her and April are making better time than on a normal day.
Leslie: Oh that's weird with us being women and all. You'd think our boobs would be getting in the way.

I guess I'll have to wait for tomorrow's paper to find out our relationship status.

A few months ago the thought of an infectious disease, even hypothetical, would have sent me careening toward Bummer-town, but now I'm infected with a deadly virus. And I feel fine!

I hate to say this, but Ann Perkins has terrible taste in jewelry.

Ann: What is your spirit animal?
Chris: Jaguar, why do you ask?

I am 100 percent sure I am 0 percent sure of what to do.

You're a smart, successful young man with an adorable little belly.

Chris: Last year I won an organic gardening contest.
Donna: Who were you competing against?
Chris: My own taste buds.

Chris: More than one way to skin a cat.
Brad: There's four. Four ways to skin a cat!

Well, I think you have several options. They're all terrible. But they're options.

First stop, Motivation Station!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron