Creed: I still have my medal from that.
Angela: Do you even have a mattress?
Creed: No, but I still have my medal from that.

If my parents see this, I am toast.

The Taliban is the worst...great heroin though.

A wheel wants to spin, Pam.

Robert/Creed: How old?
Creed: Jinx, buy me some coke.

Creed: It's Creed. FYI I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps. You in?
Pam: Yes.
Creed: Cool. Let's keep this on the QT okay? I want you to be a dead mama jama.

A beautiful morning at Dunder Mifflin, or like a like to call it, Great Bratton.

Creed: He put some snacks in the freezer for us.
Pam: You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?
Creed: No, the blueberry slurpy pouch.
Phyllis: He means the ice pack.

Pam: No laughing. No comments. Just positive energy and we'll have a pure fun day. Okay?
Creed: Thanks mom.

Two eyes, two ears, a chine, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Lochness Monster, and the reward for its capture...all the riches in Scotland. So I have one question, why are you her

Erin: I did it. I did a cartwheel.
Creed: F*ck you! F*ck you!

Michael: You're gonna somersault around for the rest of you life, and you know what's going to be on your tombstone? Loser.
Creed: My tombstone's already been made, thank you.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael