Vance: Dr. Mallard, I'm sure you are aware that the FBI and CIA have agency historians whose purpose is to ensure that the collective knowledge of those institutions lives on for future generations.
Ducky: Yes, of course, but what has that to do with me? [reads sign] Donald Mallard, MD. NCIS Historian.

Kasie [about Gibbs]: He *always* follows orders?
Ducky: Always. [beat] Ish.

Losing anyone you know is always difficult. But all we can do now is our jobs.

Ducky: He’s *dead*, Doctor Palmer.
Jimmy: Yeah, I noticed that when I removed his spleen and he didn’t complain!

Bishop: So much junk, so little time.
Ducky: Junk, my dear Ellie, is in the eye of the beholder!

Kasie, put on a lab coat, scrub up, and then by all means continue this suddenly *excruciating* conversation while you work *together*, but out of my purview.

Jimmy: Can people really talk to the dead?
Ducky: You’re seriously asking me? The real question is--
Gibbs: Can they talk back?
Jimmy: And the answer is--
Gibbs: No!

Robbery is his work, murder is his pleasure.

If you listen, the dead *will* speak.

Jimmy: Wait, wait, I was delirious?
Ducky: Incoherent! You called me ‘Ducky’!

Ducky [regarding “Goodfellas”]: Actually, I saw it with Gibbs!
Jimmy: Really? Gibbs sees movies, like made *after* 1957?
Gibbs [walks in]: What’s your point?
Jimmy: Whoa. That was an impressively quiet entrance.

You and I know that life is a near-death experience.

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.