Vance: Dr. Mallard, I'm sure you are aware that the FBI and CIA have agency historians whose purpose is to ensure that the collective knowledge of those institutions lives on for future generations.
Ducky: Yes, of course, but what has that to do with me? [reads sign] Donald Mallard, MD. NCIS Historian.

Kasie [about Gibbs]: He *always* follows orders?
Ducky: Always. [beat] Ish.

Losing anyone you know is always difficult. But all we can do now is our jobs.

Ducky: He’s *dead*, Doctor Palmer.
Jimmy: Yeah, I noticed that when I removed his spleen and he didn’t complain!

Bishop: So much junk, so little time.
Ducky: Junk, my dear Ellie, is in the eye of the beholder!

Kasie, put on a lab coat, scrub up, and then by all means continue this suddenly *excruciating* conversation while you work *together*, but out of my purview.

Jimmy: Can people really talk to the dead?
Ducky: You’re seriously asking me? The real question is--
Gibbs: Can they talk back?
Jimmy: And the answer is--
Gibbs: No!

Robbery is his work, murder is his pleasure.

If you listen, the dead *will* speak.

Jimmy: Wait, wait, I was delirious?
Ducky: Incoherent! You called me ‘Ducky’!

Ducky [regarding “Goodfellas”]: Actually, I saw it with Gibbs!
Jimmy: Really? Gibbs sees movies, like made *after* 1957?
Gibbs [walks in]: What’s your point?
Jimmy: Whoa. That was an impressively quiet entrance.

You and I know that life is a near-death experience.

NCIS Quotes

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.


McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.