I'm dead. How do you want to spend your last five months?

House [to Wilson]

Is this hell? An eternity of people trying to convince me to live?

House: He's happy.
Amber: He's dead.

I know you'll do the honest thing. You'll lie.

Foreman: You're stealing this guy's oxygen!
House: There's oxygen everywhere.

I can't even get stoned without some annoying jerk thinking I need to be analyzed.

From what I hear, nothing black is tiny. Except your penis.

House [to Foreman]

I think it's time to accept you're smarter than me.

House (to Wilson)

Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain.
House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?

Wilson: Just dinner?
House: That depends on how much you have to drink.

Adams: He just wants to die with a little dignity.
House: There's no such thing.

I need to turn Wilson from a terminal idiot to an interminable pain in the ass.

House Quotes

[To Foreman} That'd be redundant. I've got an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here.

House

(To Cuddy) If it turns out she has Meningitis, you're right, you win. But if we go back downstairs and she dies, pfft... your face will be so red!

House