Favorite Dwight Schrute Quotes
Five minutes ahead of schedule... Right on schedule.
Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.
Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Michael: Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or go against type with an Eisenberg or Michael Cera.
Dwight: Movie idea?
Michael: Noooo...Saving the world has never been this hard.
I have no feeling in my fingers or penis, but I think it was worth it.
You couldn't handle my undivided attention.
Salesman is king. As the best salesman I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well, what does that say to you about how I think of myself.
Creed: That is "Northern Lights". Cannabis indica.
Dwight: [sighs] No, it's marijuana.
Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?
Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?
Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. [laughs] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
You're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap.