Dwight Schrute Quotes
Andy: Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just going to wave or what-
Michael: I will have to answer!
Dwight: I'll ask you a question!
Andy: Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.
Dwight: "Michael Scott, you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it?"
Michael: No! No! That's too hard. Say! "Your name is Zamboni." And then I will say, "Well! We're sort of on thin ice."
Andy: Heyyy-yo!!!!
Dwight: Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just wanted to say that I have been standing in this line all day. And if this line, is any indication of how this company is being run, then we are in BIG trouble! [applause] Thank you! Right, I know! And I just want to say that I believe there are options out there! A take a number option, like they have in a deli. [silence] What about line varieties? Like an express line, for quick comments, ten words or less. They could move, MUCH more efficiently. [silence] What about ropes, along the lines that you can hold on to?
CEO: Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions.
Dwight: Yes.
If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!
Jim: I'm just gonna skip the what and go right to why.
Michael: Because this is the recreation of a crime scene!
Meredith: I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks.
Dwight: Shut up, you're dead.
A lot of the evidence seems to be based on puns.
You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. Although it doesn't pay much, and you can't unionize.
Dwight: [reading email] I'm sure you've seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture, if we have any concrete information, you will know ASAP.
Michael: Erin, do we have the journal?
Erin: Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.
Michael: Did you?
Pam: He means the Wall Street Journal, online.
Michael. Oh, the Wall.
Dwight: Michael, what is the meaning of this email that everyone got?
Michael: You'll have to be more specific, Dwight. I get like eight emails today.
You cannot go wrong with a throat punch.
Dwight: Somebody attack me. Kevin, Go!
Kevin: No WAY. Last time, you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight: False. I DID choke you with your shoelace.
Jim: In everyone's defense I think the most worthy opponent of you is ... you.
Dwight: That is correct. Unless there happen to be measles present.
Dwight: Pam would you care for a bagel?
Pam: Oh, no thank you.
Dwight: Oh, that's right, you're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I'll try again. Please Pam, reconsider and have a bagel.
Pam: I have an early lunch.
