Favorite Elaine Benes Quotes
(Elaine is surfing through TV stations)
Elaine: Ooo the naked channel!
Jerry: (reaching for the remote) No, I don't want to watch the naked channel.
Elaine: (Pulling the remote away) Been a while?
Jerry: Why do I always have the feeling everyone's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoon?Elaine: This is what people do.Jerry: No they don't. They're out on picnics, cooking burgers, making out on blankets. Not in some mall in Jersey helping their friends find the world's cheapest air conditioner.
George: Fish. What do they do?Elaine: What do you do?
George: Oh, hello, professor.Elaine: George, I cannot believe... George: Please... Elaine: No, there has got be a mistake.George: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.Jerry: But an 85?
George: It's all over for me. In fact...let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, uh...What? Kinda like this?
George (muffled) What are you doing?! What are you, crazy?!
Elaine: Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine! What are you doing here?
Elaine: Why do you keep watching?Jerry: I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. It's like a spider in the toilet struggling for survival. And even though you know he's not gonna make it you, you kinda root for him for a second.Elaine: Then you flush!Jerry: Well, it's a spider.
Elaine: What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats?
Jerry: Well, it couldn't be too expensive. $13, $14 a cat?
Elaine: You want to make $28?
George: She had this throaty, sexy kind of whisper.
Elaine: Really , like a... like a... (sexy whisper) Jerry, I want to ssslide my tongue around you like a sssnake... Oh... Oh!
George: There I was on the steps of the 42nd St. library, a grown man, getting a wedgie.
Elaine: At least it wasn't atomic.
George: It was.
Woman: I have lost my fianc! The poor baby!Elaine: (Australian accent) Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
Elaine: Lippman wants to see me. SEE ME! That can't be good.
Jerry: Maybe you're getting a raise.
Elaine: Maybe I'm getting a wedgie.
Elaine: Remember that Columbus book?Jerry: Columbus... Euro trash