Elaine Benes Quotes

Jerry: Elaine, have you ever gone out with a bald man?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: You know what that makes you, a baldist.

Kramer: Hey, do me a favor...Some guy comes in looking for me, tell him you don't know where I am.
Jerry: Of course, I always do.
Kramer: No, no it's that guy. He's really been bugging me about the jacket.
Elaine: Just give it back to him.
Kramer: Oh, he'll have to kill me.

Elaine: Why do you keep watching?Jerry: I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. It's like a spider in the toilet struggling for survival. And even though you know he's not gonna make it you, you kinda root for him for a second.Elaine: Then you flush!Jerry: Well, it's a spider.

Kramer: Anyway, it's been two years. I mean, isn't there a statue of limitations on that?Jerry: Statute!Kramer: What?Jerry: Statute of limitations, it's not a statue!Kramer: No, it's statue!Jerry: Fine, it's a sculpture of limitations!Kramer: Elaine. Elaine! Now you're smart. Is it statute or statue of limitations?Elaine: Statute!Kramer: Well, I really think you're wrong!

George: Oh, hello, professor.Elaine: George, I cannot believe... George: Please... Elaine: No, there has got be a mistake.George: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.Jerry: But an 85?

Monica: Is that the test?Elaine: Oh, this... um... yeah... here you go.Monica: Thanks. I hope you do a lot better this time.

Elaine: (to George) Listen, there were too many distractions there. Babuwhatever his name was, and Kramer, I couldn't concentrate.
Jerry: (swaying around mockingly) It was a maaaad-house!
Elaine: Jerry, it was!

Jerry: Why do I always have the feeling everyone's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoon?Elaine: This is what people do.Jerry: No they don't. They're out on picnics, cooking burgers, making out on blankets. Not in some mall in Jersey helping their friends find the world's cheapest air conditioner.

George: Fish. What do they do?Elaine: What do you do?

Elaine: Lippman wants to see me. SEE ME! That can't be good.
Jerry: Maybe you're getting a raise.
Elaine: Maybe I'm getting a wedgie.

Elaine: (on boys giving wedgies, etc.) Boys are sick.
Jerry: What do girls do?
Elaine: We just tease someone 'til they develop an eating disorder!

George: There I was on the steps of the 42nd St. library, a grown man, getting a wedgie.
Elaine: At least it wasn't atomic.
George: It was.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

Seinfeld Photos

  1. Quotes
  2. By Character
  3. Elaine Benes Quotes
  4. Page 11