Elaine Benes Quotes

We just want to take this, and add that.

(Elaine is surfing through TV stations)
Elaine: Ooo the naked channel!
Jerry: (reaching for the remote) No, I don't want to watch the naked channel.
Elaine: (Pulling the remote away) Been a while?

A kiss? With the tongue? The glossa with the bumps and the papillae? Yuck, I don't think so.

George: It's all over for me. In fact...let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, uh...What? Kinda like this?
George (muffled) What are you doing?! What are you, crazy?!
Elaine: Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine! What are you doing here?

Elaine: Hey, where's Kramer?
Jerry: I don't know. That's like asking: where's Waldo?

You're bringing in an outside cucumber?

Hi, George, how you feeling? Is anybody getting your apartment?

Elaine: So I'm going to a nudist colony next week.
Rick: Nudist colony?
Elaine: Oh yeah, yeah I love nudist colonies they help me unwind. Bleh.
Rick: I've never been to one.
Elaine: Oh really you should go their great! Except when there over it's hard to get used to clothes, so sometimes when I'm in my office I just sit there naked.
Rick: Really?
Elaine: Oh yeah I usually sit around naked a couple hours a day. I cook naked, I clean naked, I drive naked, naked, naked, naked!
Rick: Who are you!?
Elaine: Trust me mister you don't wanna know.

Jerry: (to Rava) So, where's this boyfriend of yours? I can't wait much longer. I've got a flight.
Elaine: Oh, probably caught in traffic.
Rava: Or maybe he's dead.
Jerry: So what do you write, children's books?

Elaine: She died?Jerry: She died.Elaine: She died!!

(to George) I don't know what your parents did to you.

George: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game. I thought it was just brilliant.
Mr. Benes: Drivel.
George: Maybe some parts.
Mr. Benes: What parts?
George: The drivel parts.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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