Emerson Cod Quotes
Dead people don't talk... usually.
If I wanted to mingle with a bunch of geeks wearing leotards, I'd have stayed in art school.
Emerson: Rhubarb.
Olive: What's that mean?
Emerson: PI secret code for 'get me a damn slice of rhubarb.'
Olive: This isn't Pies r Us, Pie City ... this is a bells on the door, pies-baking, mom and pop place. We chit chat here. Chit!
Emerson: Chat!
Chuck: Isn't that what a PI is supposed to do, investigate? Isn't that the fun part?
Emerson: The fun part is counting my money in the bubble bath.
Emerson: You don't know nothing about about her, except she had soft lips when she was 10.
Ned: That should be enough.
Are you in love with her? 'Cause it's that level of stupid.
That ain't a grain of salt. That's one of those blocks they give cows to lick.
Olive: (referring to Chuck) Doesn't she look like that dead girl?
Emerson: She looks exactly like that dead girl.
Olive: You should take that as a compliment, because she was pretty.
Ned: I asked you not to use the word "zombie." It's disrespectful. Stumbling around squawking for brains? It's not how they do. And "undead"? Nobody wants to be "un"-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? It's like saying "I don't disagree." Just say you agree.
Emerson: Are you comfortable with "living dead"?
Ned: You're either living or your dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and then you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"?
Emerson: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from uncontrollable types of deep sleep?
Emerson: What's the other one?
Ned: "Acrophiliac".
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me, too. I used to think "masturbation" meant chewing your food. (awkward silence) I don't think that anymore
Chuck: I'm not who you think I am.
Emerson: Who does he think you are?
Chuck: The small town girl who never saw the world who would have the first time out be her last... well, that iswho I am but... I was hoisted by my own pitard.
Ned: What's a pitard?
Chuck: In my case, the pitard was that Tahitian getaway. It was a devil's bargain.
Emerson: Who's the devil?
Chuck: Deedee Duffield, manager of Boutique Travel Travel Boutique. She offered me a high seas adventure at no cost. All I had to do was pick up a package.
Ned: Are you a drug mule?
Chuck: No, I'm a... monkey mule.
Ned: I haven't thought of her since I was ten.
Emerson: Think of her a lot when you were ten?
Ned: I don't remember anything when I was ten.
Narrator: The pie maker remembers everything.
