George Costanza Quotes
I know less about women...than anyone in the world. But one thing I do know is they're not happy if you don't spend the night.
Where are you living? Are you here? Are you on this planet? It's impossible. It can't be done. Thousands of years people have been trying to have their cake and eat it too. So all of a sudden the two of you are going to come along and do it. Where do you get the ego? No one can do it. It can't be done.
Tor: What month were you born in?George: April.Tor: You should've been born in August.
George: It's all over for me. In fact...let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, uh...What? Kinda like this?
George (muffled) What are you doing?! What are you, crazy?!
Elaine: Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine! What are you doing here?
I'll tell ya, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole Zen...thing...
Could it be...luke-warm?
I'm an eggplant!
George: What should I do, Kramer?Jerry: Well for one thing, don't listen to him.
Meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupus? Is it Lupus?!
I've been going to the doctors my whole life and what's it got me? I'm thirty-three years old, I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty and I'm already facing the problems of old age.
George: I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a nice, medium orgasm.
Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.
Tor: Kramer tells me you're looking for an alternative to surgery.
George: Yes. Yes I am.
Tor: (blows in George's face and then flicks his hair) I think we can help you.