Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkFavorite Hank Venture Quotes
Hank: I can't believe we have a new baby uncle. Every Christmas he's probably gonna give us a Jovan Musk gift pack. And we'll have to pretend he's not all creepy looking. Aww, I bet we're gonna have to kiss him!
Dean: Right? Dude, did you shake his hand? It was like shaking hands with a chicken dinner
Hank: I'm outta here! I'm not gonna play second... banana-fiddle to some stupid old baby.
Dean: Well not me! I'm staying right here. I'll be sleeping in a room right next to Triana. And then she'll hear like, thunder or something, and, and she'll run into my room all scared and stuff, and I'll be like, 'hush my darling, it's just ionized air molecules expanding'. And she'll be like, 'oh, hold me', and I'll like...
Hank: Dude! If we stay here that means we'll be Dr. Orpheus' kids. And that means Triana will be your sister. And that means you two will have extra-retard babies.
Dean: Huh. I never thought of that. [he stands up] Alright, I'm with you!
Dermott: Why do you think they used to call me "the Wolf?"
Hank: Nobody calls you that.
Dermott: Well, they did back in my old neighborhood. When they weren't calling me "psycho." There was actually a war between two gangs over which nickname to call me. Both gangs won
Hank: How come Baby Einstein gets his own lab and I'm stuck pushing boxes around? When do I get to train for my future career?
Dr. Venture: Who says you aen't right now?
Henchman 21: You have been subjected to the dreaded Chinese Water Torture for easily half an hour. You have lost your grip on reality.
Dean: We're delirious? So, this is a dream, and we're not really..
Henchman 21: Oh, no, you're actually here. But if I'm half monster, and like half goat and half hor... okay, that's stupid. Okay, if my bottom half is a horse, and on top I'm Sin-Eater.
Dean: Who's Sin-Eater?
Henchman 21: Or Wolverine with bat wings.
Hank: Dude, you're that henchman guy.
Henchman 21: With bat wings?
Hank: No, that is mental! You're regular.
Dean: All right, fine. But in the future, could you warn us before you do that?
Sgt. Hatred: In the future, the lazy Eloi will be living above ground. But underground, there will be cave monsters that use the above ground people for food. Dean, they eat them.
Dean: Now I know what happened to my copy of The Time Machine.
Hank: See, I didn't take it! I expect an apology. And also, I want a dollar. Emotional damage.
Hank: What's your problem with our dad anyway?!
The Monarch: (awkwardly) Well, I- he- he's my nemesis. My archenemy.
Dean: I don't think pop thinks you're his archenemy.
The Monarch: Come on, I'm sure the walls of the Venture Compound are practically caked with the lingering curses of the Monarch's name.
Dean: Uhh, no. I've never even heard him mention you.
Hank: Yeah, I always thought Baron Ãœnderbheit was dad's arch-enemy.
The Monarch: (astounded) Ãœnderbheit!?! Why, that dime-store Doctor Doom isn't fit to -- just you wait til your father calls me back
Dean: It's on!
Hank: It's off!
Dean: It's on!
Hank: Off!
Dean: It's on!
Dr. Venture: That's called 'blinking', boys...
Hank and Dean: He started it!
Dr. Venture: No I started it years ago in a moment of passion! And I'll end it the same way right here in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God!
Dean: There's something out there, and it's made of metal, and it has Dad's face, and it wants to beat me up! This is just like my dream.
Hank: Yeah, but did you get the first aid kit?
Dr. Venture: I don't need first aid, Hank, I need you to stop choking me and hitting me with fire extinguishers
Hank: But Pop, you're bleeding!
Dr. Venture: Uh? Oh, this. Uh, no, it's fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress
Hank: Dude, look! Elephants!
Dean: That's "loxodonta africana." You can tell which ones are the males because they're the only ones with tusks.
Hank: I got no problem tellin' which one's the male, bro. Check out the fifth leg on that beast!
Dean: It's called a "trunk."
Hank: It's called "you're a spaz", and that ain't what I'm talkin' about
