Jared: I want to make this work.
Swatello: So do I, but like adults.
Jared: Let's not get crazy.

Jared: My hatred for you has been greatly exaggerated.
Swatello: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
Jared: That's really sad.

Fate is what you make of it not just what comes your way.

Jared: When the dust settles is Swatello the one?
Peter: Right now she's the one who got away.

You got us arrested. We totally blame you!

My ninth birthday all I got was the Milenium Falcon with the stowaway bay.

Peter: Well, you know you can trust us.
Jared: We've got attorney friend privilege.

Jared: I wouldn't mind his game when I'm 70.
Peter: I wouldn't mind his game now.

The fact that I took our friendship and just crashed it into a pole kills me. It makes me want to do a swan dive into a woodchopper.

OK, do I have a sign that says I banged Peter's mom on my forehead? Let me rephrase that before you punch a hole through my face.

Jared: We were young. Mere chicken tenders.
Peter: But now we're the big cocks of the wok.

You should come with evil theme music.

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.