Judge: I've cleared the courtroom and I have my special contempt of the court pen at the ready, gentlemen.
Jared: I hate that pen.

Jared: Trial team group hug?
Peter: Let's do it.
Damien: No.

It's hard to argue self defense when he called his shot three days before he did it.

Jared: How do you know this guy?
Stanton: I have no recollection and I think I would remember that mustache. It's quite impressive.

Carmen: How did we spend $200 on handkerchiefs?
Jared: I'm studying magic.

Jared: Every school had cheerleader car washes.
Dean: Where the cheerleaders washed the cars not where you washed the cheerleaders.

Jared: You do know this guy's banging your ex?
Peter: Yes, thanks for helping me move on.

They think Carmen is hiding money. So do you think the naked cowboy can put his little pick away and come help out?

Franklin: Aliens landed.
Bash: Took Pindar's genitals back to their spaceship for research.

Let's say we call you Christmas and we call you Thanksgiving and later we will spend some time between the holidays.

Bash: So your bras fell off, your panties fell off. Not impossible your engagement ring...
Franklin: ...somehow slipped off with everything else and ended up in the girls' workout bag?

But a lot when on that night Ms. Elliott. I mean your first girl on girl kiss can be confusing. Lots of fuzzy feelings...

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.